Jacob
"How about you let me talk and you listen? I have a lot to say." He says looking back at me, nodding slowly. I nod back in understanding, looking up at him.
He takes a deep breath, looking me in my eyes.
"I truly don't know where to start. I didn't have much time to prepare this. If there was a way I could change back time and be there for you I absolutely would. There's no question about it. When I met you, I instantly was attached to you..which rarely happens, but you did something that made me physically and emotionally stuck on you. I wanted you to myself, but I didn't want to rush into a relationship even though we were having sex. Then when I saw you were pregnant I immediately thought you had been fucking someone while we were having sex. I thought of someone else taking you away from me and took it out on you..I should have listen to you. I apologize from deep inside of me. I let me emotions get in the way of letting you tell me the bigger picture. I was just so heart broken I couldn't handle it. I loved you..I still do and I didn't expect it to hit me as hard as it did. I'm absolutely excited about Nila, I can't wait to hold her and take care of her. I want to work things out with you and her. I want to be there."
Tears came to her eyes as she looked away. I brushed them away as they slid down her cheek.
"You really hurt me and you're engaged, Jacob." She looks back at me, her hazel eyes intensified from crying. I nod slowly.
"I got with her to fill the void of you being gone..The way I look at you and feel for you is nothing like how I feel for her. It's completely different. I want to make things right, I'll do anything." I state, grasping onto her hand and rubbing the back of it with my thumb.
She shakes her head, looking down at the covers. "Think about it first. Don't make impulsive decisions. This could just be you feeling bad for me so..take your time."
I nod while taking her hand up to my mouth, planting a small kiss on it.
She's right I need to take this slow. Even though I want to move this as fast as possible so I can be by her side.
"When do you get out the hospital?" I ask in a quiet manner, trying to read her face. She's still just as beautiful as I remember.
"I'm not sure yet. I want to see Nila." She turns her head over to me, biting her bottom lip softly while more tears fill to the brim of her eyes.
I nod in understanding. "Okay, let me go get a doctor so we can see if you can go up there to see her."
I let go of her hand without another word and stroll out the room, heading to the front desk of the MSICU. I ask if she can see Nila and the nurse holds her finger up to me then makes a quick announcement for Harper to come to the room. I thank her then head back into the room to find Lana trying to sit up.
"Let me help you." I hurry over to the bed and help her sit up slowly, being careful not to make her hurt more than she already is.
She winces slightly then presses the button, making the bed sit up with her. I let her go as she settles in one spot then sit on the bed with her.
Her eyes connect with mine and she pats the spot on the bed next to her.
I raise an eyebrow and scoot next to her. She leans her head on me and sighs softly, scooting closer to me.
My arm wraps around her and holds her close to me. I rest my chin on her head then kiss it softly, rubbing her side softly.
This feels right. Everything about this, in this exact moment, feels right to me.
—
"Yup, we're going to go this way then up the elevator." Harper says as she pushes Lana in the wheelchair down the hall to the elevator.
I haven't seen Lana smile so much since a year ago.
"Yay, I'm so excited to see our baby girl." She looks up at me with her innocent eyes, causing a smile to dance upon my lips.
The elevator dings and I get in first to hold the doors open with my hand. Once Harper and Lana are in I let go of it and they shut close. Harper presses the next floor up then holds onto Lana's wheelchair.
Along the way, I listen to the soothing sound of the elevator music and close my eyes for a second. I need to take a shower, get checked into a hotel, change my clothes and talk to my boy, Dash, about everything that is happening so he can tell my sergeant. This is a lot to take in.
A small, hot hand grabs onto mine and I quickly open my eyes, looking down to see Lana staring up at me.
"You okay?" She asks in a concerned way. I give her a smile then squeeze her hand softly. "Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."
The elevator doors open and she lets go of my hand so Harper can wheel her out. I can tell she's nervous when her sweaty palm leaves mine. We head towards one of the window passing through the hallway and I glance into it, looking at all the babies.
"That's where Nila was when we first had her. They put her in there because they had to check up on her." Lana speaks out, obviously reading my facial expression.
I stay quiet, but nod my head in understanding.
Harper takes up to this other room and grab her badge, swiping it across the door so it unlocks. She opens it and wheels Lana in. From behind them I hear them giggle about something then start talking. I come in after them and close the door slowly.
Lana is wheeled over this little incubator type of cell with a little baby in it. The only difference is that it's not closed. I slowly followed behind. My heart pounded in my ears the more I got closer to it.
I looked in the glass and saw the same baby on Harpers phone, my babygirl..Nila, a princess. Her mouth was open a little and her eyes closed.
"S..She's just sleep, right?" I stammer without even knowing I said my words out loud.
Harper looks at me and smiles, "Yes she's just sleep. We fed her 30 minutes ago. Do you want to hold her?"
"Please." I said taking some hand sanitizer out my pocket, rubbing it in on my hands.
Harper nods and pushes the seat down on Lana's chair so she doesn't roll anywhere then slides on some gloves. She smiles at Nila who moves when she picks her up and cradles her in her arms. I watch as Nila's eyes open slightly. Her little fingers move to grab onto Harper's shirt, but before she can Harper hands her over to me and helps me position her in my arms. I know nothing about babies honestly, and I always told myself I wouldn't want one, but I love Nila.
I cradle her and stare at her beautiful face. "Hi baby girl. I'm your daddy. I'm going to be here for you..forever and ever. I'm never going to leave you ever again. Daddy loves you."
Her eyes open more, making her reach up and touch my chin slightly before closing her eyes again. She scrunches her body up in my arms and slowly drifts back to sleep. I smile at her and sniffle, not knowing I was crying a little. I plant a small kiss on her forehead.
A true blessing.
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