Goodbye Blair Waldorf

Chapter 59 - Home

- Chuck

"Dad, I'm going to school!" Grace shouted as she left. I hopped out of bed and raced through.

"Bye beautiful." I said to her as she got in the elevator. I walked back through to my bedroom grabbing a bottle of scotch and a glass as I went. I was going to need it, it was the hardest day of the year. Her death anniversary. I sat on the edge of the bed as I poured myself some scotch. I looked over at the photo frame that sat on my bedside table and picked it up. It was from our wedding, one of our most happiest days of our lives. She looked so beautiful in that light blue Ellie Saab dress, with her hair pinned up and her pretty headband. The sun was shining, birds were tweeting, I was happy. I've not been happy in a long long time. Fifteen years I have gone without here, still not any easier. Every thought of her still hurts, every time I hear her name still brings me on the verge of tears. She would have wanted me to move on but she knows I can't.

I got back under the covers clutching the photograph tightly to my chest, and just lay there for a while.

-

"Dad!" Grace shouted as I opened my eyes.

"What are you doing here, you should be at school?" I said startled, sitting up straight away.

"Dad, it is half past three." She said looking at me sadly. "Have you been in bed all this time?"

"No, I've been out." I lied. "Then I felt ill so I came home."

"I'm not a little girl anymore! I'm 17, you can talk to me. I know what today is." She said softly, kneeling by the edge of the bed beside me.

"You still miss her, I get it." She said smiling sadly. "You don't have to hide it anymore."

"You look more and more like her everyday." I said handing her the photo frame. She looked at the photo and smiled sadly.

"I know I never knew her properly, with everything that was going on, and the fact that I was too young to remember. But I miss her too. I long for her, my mom. My mom that will help me with school, take me shopping, that I can talk to about things." She said on the verge of tears looking at the photograph.

"Hey." I said comfortingly cupping her face in my hands. "It's okay, I know."

She started to cry, her chestnut eyes filling up with water and then streaming down her face. I just pulled her in tighter and gave her the best hug I could give. We sat there for a moment before I pulled away.

"Grace, I'm going to take you somewhere, somewhere neither of us have been in a long time." I said to her as she wiped her tear stained cheeks.

"Where?" She asked.

"Home." I replied.

-

The limo pulled up at the Empire Hotel, Grace and I have lived in the Queens Ground Hotel as long as she can remember. After Blair died I couldn't bare to live there, but I also couldn't bare to let it go. So I used my fortune to but myself another penthouse at one of my other hotels so that I could continue my life there, but still have this to come back to if I ever wanted. I've never been back here until now, other people have though. I hire cleaners to touch the place up everyday to keep it in tact. But never change anything. The sheets still haven't been washed, the couch never sat on, the TV never turned on. All Blair's things remain exactly where they were. Her Chanel No. 5 on the dressing table and her Louis Vuitton shoes still in the closet.

"Why are we at your other hotel?" Grace asked confused.

"Well after your mother died, I couldn't bare to live their, so we moved. But everything in the old house still remains the same." I explained sadly.

"So I'll still have a baby room?" She asked.

"Yes." I replied as we stepped out the limo.

"And she'll still have a room?" She asked again looking sad.

"Yes, our room will still be there, still the same sheets we slept in." I said feeling sick to the stomach.

"Oh." Grace said a tear slowly sliding down her cheek, I softly wiped it from her face.

"It's okay." I said, taking her hand even though I've not done this since she was a little girl.

-

The elevator doors opened at a place that was all too familiar, home. We both slowly stepped into the penthouse apartment of the Empire. We stepped into the hallway with the strange painting we both liked very much.

"May I look around?" She asked me.

"Of course." I replied as she walked off into the living room. I headed for the bedroom, Blair and I's bedroom. It was exactly the same. The unit with the photo frame of Grace, her and I. I pulled open the drawer and saw all my old clothes, my old shirts piled neatly, Blair had arranged them. I shut the drawer before I started to get overly emotional. I stepped over to the little couch where she used to sit and type her article as I got dressed, then I would always pretend to mess up my bow tie just so she would come and help me, so that she could be close to me.

I went off to the left and went into our walk in closet, I had only took a couple of things from this apartment and bought pretty much everything new so most of the stuff was still here. I looked at all my clothes on the right, my jackets hanging perfectly, my shoes in the little cube cutouts and an endless selection of ties dangled from the hooks. I then turned to Blair's side looking at all the outfits she used to wear that I loved. The yellow Marc Jacobs dress, I loved that one, she always looked so happy in it. Then there was the beautiful emerald lace dress that she wore the first time we had sex, well, and the last... I pushed a couple of blouses aside to find the Ellie Saab wedding dress stashed at the back of the closet in a see through garment bag. I unzipped the bag and rubbed the smooth material between my finger tips. There was no words to describe how much I missed her, longed for her to be here with me. I sniffed the dress wanting to smell her scent so badly, but obviously it wouldn't smell of her, it's been a long time since she's wore it. Infact it's been 15 years since she's even set foot in the place. I zipped the bag up again, sliding the blouses back in front of it, leaving it as it was and walked back out through to the bedroom.

The bed, what used to be our happiest place, when we used to lie around all day being lazy, kissing whenever we felt like it. But all I could think of was her lying there, not by choice, but because she was too weak to get up. I knelt down at the bedside and clutched onto the silky sheets. This was all too much, what am I doing here. I pulled the sheet against my chest as I started to cry.

"Blair..." I sobbed uncontrollably.

"Dad!" Grace shouted and I could hear her running through to here. She stood in the doorway unsure of what to do.

"It's okay." She said hurrying over kneeling down beside me as I continued to cry.

She just held me, lovingly in her arms, she reminded me so much of her that it hurt so much but it also felt amazing. She started to cry too and we just sort, well, cried together...