Back in Blackberry

Chapter nineteen

Dean stood outside Cas' room, at war with himself as to whether or not to go in. Cas had been crying out in his sleep for what seemed to Dean like an eternity. He cracked the door open and peered in. Cas was curled in a ball facing away from Dean, still whimpering. Dean was about to turn away when one word rose clearly from the sleepy muttering.

"Dean..."

Dean froze. Was he in this dream? But it seemed like a nightmare...

"Please stop..."

Dean knew he shouldn't go in, but his body ignored his brain as he crept into Cas' room, laid down next to him, and pulled Cas into his embrace.

"I've got you. It's okay Cas. I love you."

***

Dean made waffles the next morning before Cas got up, his head a giant knot of complicated thoughts. He shouldn't have said he loved Cas. Even though Cas probably didn't hear him... saying it just made it even more real for Dean, which was the last thing he needed, especially now.

"Good morning, Dean," Cas said, startling Dean out of his thoughts.

"Oh, hey Cas. I made waffles," Dean said.

"I... I'm not that hungry," Cas said.

"Okay," Dean said.

***

Dean watched Cas like a hawk that day at the bakery, and Charlie didn't fail to notice.

"Did something happen last night?" She asked when they were both in the back. Dean didn't meet her eyes.

"Dean, what did you do?" She demanded.

"I... he was asleep, but... I told him I loved him," Dean said. Charlie's eyes widened.

"You what?" She asked.

"I didn't mean to, it's just... he's been really distant lately and I'm scared he's going to leave. I don't know what I did. Do you think maybe he knows I'm in love with him and hates me for it?" Dean asked.

"I swear I am the only smart person in this bakery. You two are both the biggest idiots I have ever met!" She exclaimed, grabbing Dean and dragging him to Cas' table, pushing him down into the empty seat.

"Okay you two. I am sick and tired of both of you and all your bullshit, so here we go. Dean, Cas has something he needs to tell you. Now," Charlie said. Cas turned white.

"Charlie, what-"

"Now, Cas!" Charlie said. Dean looked from Cas to Charlie. Cas took a deep breath and Dean felt a pang of sadness as Cas' eyes filled with tears.

"Dean... I... I haven't been... Dean I lied to you. My name..." A tear rolled down Cas' cheek.

"Stop. Cas, I don't care. I don't care if you're the king of france, I don't care if your name isn't really Castiel. If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to," Dean said. Charlie smiled slightly and went back behind the counter as more tears spilled down Cas' cheeks.

"Really?" He asked.

"Really," Dean answered. Cas stood up and so did Dean. Cas rushed around the table and pulled Dean into a hug. Dean smiled and hugged him back.

"I'm so sorry, Dean," Cas said.

"It's okay, Cas," Dean said. They stood there like that for ages, just holding each other, and for the first time in a long time, Dean really was okay.