Back in Blackberry

Chapter twenty-two

Cas woke with a scream from his nightmare. He sat up sharply, breathing heavily. It had been happening again, he had felt it...

"Cas? Cas it's okay, it was just a dream." Cas felt Dean's arms wrap around him and he grabbed Dean's shirt.

"He- he-"

"I know, I know, Cas. You're okay," Dean soothed.

"Don't leave me," Cas whimpered.

"I won't. I'm staying right here, Cas, I promise," Dean said. They laid down, Cas still clinging to Dean.

"I was so scared..." Cas whispered.

"I know. I'm so sorry I left you, Cas. I'm so sorry..." Dean said. Cas wanted to comfort Dean, to tell him it wasn't his fault, anything, but he couldn't make his brain come up with the words. So he just laid there, cradled in Dean's arms, until he fell asleep again.

***

The second time Cas woke up, it was much gentler. Dean was still there... but suddenly Cas had doubts. He was blind. How would he know it was Dean? He shifted slightly and brought his hand up to Dean's cheek, feeling his face. Yes, it was Dean. Cas rubbed his thumb across Dean's cheek, comforted by the contact, when Dean suddenly exploded away from him. Cas jumped.

"Dean?" Cas was starting to shake again.

"Cas... I- I, uh... I'm sorry. I just... I guess I panicked a little," Dean said. Cas frowned, not convinced.

"Okay. You really scared me," Cas said.

"Yeah. I'm really sorry, Cas," Dean said again.

"It's okay. Where are you?" Cas asked. Being alone, even though he knew Dean was in the room, was starting to scare him. Cas felt Dean's hand on his arm.

"I'm right here, Cas," he said. Cas stood up.

"Thank you," he said. Dean led him out to the kitchen.

"Anything for you, Cas," he said. Cas smiled as he sat down at the table.

"I... I wanted to thank you, by the way. If you hadn't come after me..." Cas trailed off, fear washing over him again. He reached out and grabbed Dean's arm.

"Hey, it's okay. You're safe. You're safe here, Cas," Dean said. Cas calmed down slightly.

"I'm sorry... I just... I can't see you. Every time you leave, I feel so helpless..." Cas said, his voice getting quieter as he folded in on himself. Dean just hugged Cas.

"I'm sorry. Oh god, Cas, I'm so sorry. This is my fault, I... I'm sorry," Dean said.

"No, it isn't your fault, Dean. You had no way of knowing. You can't blame yourself," Cas said firmly. Dean stopped hugging Cas but kept a hand on Cas' arm.

"But I do. I should've... I should've kept an eye on you, I should never have left you, of course I blame myself, it's my fault!" Dean exclaimed. Cas felt his heart twist. He hated that Dean felt this way. He reached out and put his hand to the side of Dean's face.

"Don't say that. I can't stand it. You... you are the best person I know, and it's killing me that you think this of yourself," Cas said softly. He ran his thumb over Dean's lips lightly and he felt Dean's breath hitch.

"Cas..." Dean said, a slight warning tone in his voice. And then Cas, without even thinking about it, did something he never thought he would do.

Cas leaned forward and kissed Dean.