Back in Blackberry

Chapter twenty-six

Cas missed Dean. It felt like he had a hole carved out of his chest. The thing he hadn't thought about were the panic attacks. They were getting more and more frequent the longer he was away from Dean, and it was getting harder to get them to go away. Dean was gone, and in his absence, the door was wide open for Cas' demons to come back. His family had been ridiculously happy to see him, but things quickly went back to the way they had been. Where are your sunglasses, Jimmy? Don't feel around like that when you walk, Jimmy. Be normal, Jimmy. But Cas didn't want to be Jimmy anymore. He thought about asking to change his name, but he knew his family wouldn't take it well, and Cas didn't want them saying the name that Dean knew him by anyway. Cas didn't sleep most nights, and wondered if Dean was also awake. He hoped that wasn't the case. He wanted Dean to move on. Dean deserved to be happy. No one really asked about what had happened to him while he'd been gone, and Cas was glad for that. He didn't think he could talk about Dean without breaking down. But he endured it. Because his family needed him.

But then one day, almost a full two years after Hannah's death, Cas was sitting in the living room while his brother Gabriel watched the news. Cas was just sitting there, mostly zoned out, when he heard the words "the bakery was destroyed." come from the TV. His head snapped up as the reported finished her story about how five people had died in a fire at a local bakery.

"What bakery is it?" Cas asked, unable to keep the fear and desperation out of his voice.

"What?" Gabriel asked.

"Tell me the name of the bakery. Gabriel, please!" Cas begged.

"Okay, okay, calm down Jimmy. It was Magical Mornings," Gabriel said. Cas let out a sigh of relief and started sobbing.

"Oh my god, Jimmy what's wrong?" Gabriel asked as Cas curled in on himself, unable to stop the tears. What if it had been Dean? What if Dean had died without Cas ever seeing him again? He tried to dry his eyes with shaking hands, but the tears just kept coming.

"Jimmy, what's wrong?" Gabriel asked again.

"D-Dean..." Cas finally managed to choke out.

"Okay, I'm getting Mom," Gabriel said.
"No! No, d-don't. I'm sorry, I just... I need you to do something for me," Cas said shakily.

***

"Do you need help?" Gabriel asked.

"No, I know the way," Cas said. He stepped out of the car and walked confidently to the door. He paused before he opened it and took a deep breath, then walked in.

"Welcome to-" Cas heard the soft sound of a pastry hitting the floor.

"Dean. I- I'm so sorry. I thought this would be best but... but I have this hole in my chest. And when I heard about the bakery that caught fire, and I thought you might be dead and... Dean, I love you. And I'm so sorry. Please... I want to come back," Cas said, tears spilling down his cheeks again. Suddenly he felt arms wrapping around him, Dean's arms.

"I'm so glad you came back. You'll always have a place here. I love you."

And that was that. And that was all Cas would ever need.

(BOOM. How's that for an ending? Anyway, thank you guys so so much. I started this back in august, and I never would've finished it without your support, and I'm really glad I did finish because this has quickly become one of my favorites. You guys are the best readers I could ever ask for and sorry not sorry for all the hell I put you through. I love you guys!)