Bungou Stray Dogs x Reader Oneshots

Akutagawa x Reader | Asleep

Requested by silverdaydream

I really hope, that you'll like it and that this is what you wanted!! I hope, it didn't turn out spoiled because it was somehow hard to write. Probably because of my mood. Well, anyway, enjoy~💕

By the way, I recommend you listen to this song atop because it inspired me^^ and this song is probably the best to describe me!

Warning: depression, angst, suicide mentions

~~~

Nothing changed. Grey days were all alike and sometimes, you had a feeling, that you were living the same day over and over again. You hated your job, people, who surrounded you, your routine. You hated your life. You got sick of this all. You've been waiting for this to end, but it never happened.

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed

Why were everyone using you? You got sick of these "Can you help me?" or "Oh there's one favor you could do..." and so on and so forth. You helped everyone, yet no one ever helped you. They used your kindness. You hated them, but something didn't let you say "no". And you hated yourself for this.

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone

You were trying so hard. Yeah, you hated your job at Port Mafia, but you still did your best in it. Others treated you....let's just say not good. Basically, they didn't do anything bad towards you, but you could feel how much they disliked you by some small clues. What did you do to deserve so much hate towards you?

Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go

Have you ever heard a phrase: "You have to decide to be happy."? You've heard it all time and God know, how much you hated it. What idiot said it? Did he really believed in this words? You've been craving for love and happiness for no one knows how much years. You've been feeling so tired...

Here comes the all well-known question: what's the solution? You've thought about suicide multiple times. You even thought about finding the suicidal maniac and help him with making his wish come true. Maybe if you committed a double suicide, then you won't be alone for once in your life. You were so close to actually doing this, but...you still had some hope inside of you. You tried so hard to get rid of this feeling, but no matter what you did, you were still hoping, that something or someone could give you happiness, you desired.

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore

And hoping hurt you more, than pain itself

You've tried to figure out the reason of your loneliness and suffering. Maybe it was because of your looks? So many girls were better, than you. Yes, this was definitely the reason! How could someone love you with that face and body of yours? You weren't looking like some models. You weren't the type of girls, guys could fall in love with. You felt, like God was surely just scoffing at you for making you look like that.