Dazai x Reader (AU!) | "Hey, it's Dazai. Dazai Osamu."

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A/N: It's 11:53 p.m. and this idea popped into my mind and I had to write it down. Hope, you'll like it☺️

Who here watched "13 reasons why"? Anyway, those who have watched it will understand it better^^ This series is perfect and it inspired me!

Warning: angst, suicide mentions

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"Hey, it's Dazai. Dazai Osamu. Don't adjust your, whatever device you're hearing this on. It's me, live in the stereo. No return engagements, no encore and this time absolutely no requests. Get a snack. Settle in. Because I'm about to tell you the story of my life, more specifically, why my life ended. And if you're listening to this tape, you're one of the reasons why. I'm not saying which tape brings you into the story. But fear not, if you received this lovely little box, your name will pop out. I promise."

"Oh, Gosh..." You thought

You brought a hand to your mouth to stop yourself from screaming. Tears were already in your eyes and you could feel a panic attack coming closer.

It was him. His voice. His real voice. It sounded so real as if he was standing next to you, but you knew, that it was impossible. He killed himself not that long ago. He just jumped off the building without telling anyone a word.

Or your thought so....

Gaining all your courage, you turned on the tape again.

"I hope, that you don't think, that I'm doing this just to get your attention or to find some excuses to what have I done. No. I'm doing this because I think, that you need to know the truth. If you are one of the reasons, then you should listen as well. I want you to know what have you done. I want you to understand this and never do it to anyone else again."

A single tear rolled down your cheek. It was too much. Hearing him talking like this was too much for you. And if you're listening to this, it means, that you were one of the reasons, right?

Another tear escaped from your eyes.

Why you? You've never hurt him. What have you done? You were always trying to make him happy. You were his friend. Why you?

"I'm going to tell you the story of my life. Basically, I can say, that my whole life is one of the reasons. My existence was a mistake. I understood it when I was 16. For once, I'll be honest. I've always pretended, I've been wearing a mask, which I've never taken off. Right now, you're hearing the real me. The real Dazai Osamu. Who knows, will you like me or you'd prefer one of my masks? Probably, you'd prefer one of my masks because I know, that I'm a filthy and disgusting creature."

You were crying shamelessly now and there was only one question in your mind: what about you? You would prefer the real him. You would never leave him if you knew, that he was in such pain. He never ever even gave a hint about this. And suddenly you're one of the reasons?

"There...there was only one person, who has almost seen my real side. And I think, that she actually saw it because she knows me too well. We're more alike with her, than everyone else thinks. I don't know if she's actually hearing this. (Y/N), if you are listening to me now, then know, that you didn't do anything to kill me. I'll tell you this now because I know, that you are probably crying and panicking now and I want you to calm down as much as possible. You became one of the reasons unintentionally. Basically, it was me, who made you the reason. I'm really sorry for this, but I can't help my feelings."

Your eyes widened and you were so shocked, that you even stopped crying. What was he talking about? Was he....no! He couldn't love you! You always loved him, but you knew, that he never loved you back! He never showed it! He couldn't love you.

"Forget everything you know about me. It's a lie. That's why I'll try to explain you the truth in all these tapes. I'll tell you all, my listeners, that (Y/N) and Odasaku are the only one here, who became the reasons unintentionally. Everyone else deserved it."

You were a crying mess again by now and it was only the first tape. There were 7 of them with 2 sides. You had no idea how were you going to listen to them, but you had to do it. For Dazai. You knew, that he wanted you to listen to him.

"So...this was my start! (Y/N), I'll tell you one more thing for now: don't cry. I'm not worth your tears. Better smile and never let your happiness go away. I want you to be happy. I'll tell you much more, when it'll be the turn of your tape, but my feelings are overwhelming me right now and I can't resist saying these words to you now: I love you. I won't tell you anymore, not yet. Just remember, that you were the only one in my whole life, who I truly loved with all my heart and I have no regrets. Don't blame yourself, my love. Well...that's all for now! Turn the tape for more."

Crying intensely and sobbing, you reached for a small blue box to find another tape. You had to listen more. Dazai wanted you to do this.

"Hi! This is me again and this my second record and my first reason. Welcome to your tape, Ango."

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