Bungou Stray Dogs x Reader Oneshots

Atsushi x Reader | Lenore

Requested by PagelessBooks

I hope, that I did everything accurately and that this illness is described correctly😊 I decided to write it in a new style and hopefully, it turned out well^^

Warning: dissociative identity disorder, angst

~~~

You were afraid. You were afraid, that he'll know your secret. You were afraid, that he'll leave you if he found out. You wanted to talk this out, yet you didn't want anyone to know this. It was a locked circle.

It was really hard to keep this secret. Especially, because you didn't remember what was happening after she appeared. She could say something wrong or do something and you wouldn't even know about it. You had already been in some awkward situations, but luckily you managed to keep your secret. The worst part was trying not to let her take control over your body during your dates with Atsushi.

Things worsened when that girl appeared. Why was she so clingy with your boyfriend? And why he never tried to explain her, that she shouldn't have done this? Was he really okay with that? It was killing you to see them hanging out together. He looked happier with her, than he was with you. Maybe it was right to let him go and be happy with her?

Even right now, they're laughing happily together, while you're sitting at your desk, doing boring paperwork. All you can do is just sit here and watch them being happy. She's so cute and beautiful. It was pissing you off. You could feel how she was slowly coming back. You couldn't let this happen. You couldn't let this happen. Not now, when the Agency was full with people.

"Atsushi-kun, can I go for a walk with you?" You heard Kyoka saying

"Of course, Kyoka-chan!" Atsushi exclaimed "We can also visit your favorite restaurant, if you want!"

"Oh really? It would be great!" She answered

You were so angry and jealous in that moment. Why were you always the one, who's forgotten? You've always tried to be a good person, but why you were always left all alone in the end? Why?

And suddenly, it snapped

***
You were standing in the middle of the room. Right between Atsushi and Kyoka. All eyes were on you. Kyoka looked shocked, while Atsushi looked terrified. When you looked around, you noticed, that everyone else were watching you as well. You were scared. You knew what has happened. And you understood, that everyone has noticed that. Dazai and Ranpo has understood that for sure.

"W-What happened?" You asked with fear

"Y-You don't remember?!" Atsushi asked

"You suddenly shouted and ran towards Atsushi and Kyoka. You pushed Kyoka away and started shouting such things as 'Why are you doing this?' or 'Why did you have to appear?' at Kyoka. You looked really angry and you didn't react, when we called you by your name and Kunikida tried to stop you. You were really furious and we even got scared. And then, suddenly, you calmed down." Dazai explained

"Did it really happened?" You asked

You started sweating and shaking because of fear and anxiety and the looks on their faces didn't make it any easier. You were sure now, that he will leave you. You've been this strange for such a long time. Of course, he wasn't in love with you anymore. Kyoka was younger, prettier and not as bizarre as you. It was so simple.

"You really don't remember this?" Atsushi asked coming closer to you

"N-No." You shook your head "I remember, how I was sitting at my desk and then suddenly, all went black."

Atsushi took your hand and caressed it with his thumbs.

"(Y/N), you're not okay, are you?" He asked

He was looking so sincerely in your eyes as if he was looking in the depths of your soul. He was worried, but you could feel, that it wasn't a usual nervousness. It was nervousness about a loved one. There's a difference between these two kinds, but it's very hard to notice it.

You couldn't handle it anymore.

Tears started running down your cheeks as you hugged Atsushi really tight. He hugged you back and he started caressing your head and back to sooth you. You nuzzled your nose in his neck as you were crying your eyes out.

You never wanted this to happen. You didn't want him to know it. You didn't want him to start reminding you about your medicine. You didn't want him to retell you what happened after she came. You didn't want to end up at Opra's show like all those people, you've seen. You didn't want such life.

"S-She...she's coming sometimes." You muttered, while still crying "I don't really know what's she like because I don't remember what's happening, while she's in control. All I know is that she's a part of me."

Everyone were watching at the two of you in silence. What could they say? Words of soothing weren't needed from them, but from Atsushi. They shouldn't have said anything and they understood it.

"Everything will be fine, (Y/N)." Atsushi finally said "I will never leave you and we'll get through this together. We'll find a way to get rid of her, I promise you. You don't have to worry now. I won't let anything bad happen to you."

"Really?" You asked

"Yes." He answered and kissed your temple "But may I know her name?"

You gulped and answered

"Lenore."