*Nicole's P.O.V.*
When Niall left, I walked downstairs. I heard everyone chatting loudly. When they saw me, their voices got hushed. Even with my own friends, I'm a freak. I should've expected this.
Then, I saw that Aedan and Addy were in the room, but Niall wasn't there. Wait, is Niall not allowed to take care of them anymore? What is going on?
"Why are Addy and Aedan here?" I asked them. Everyone looked over at me. I hated all this negative attention towards me. I'm some suicidal, cutting freak. I should've expected this.
"Niall seemed kind of stressed out from all of the events that happened over the last few days, so we decided to just let him have a day off. The twins are going back home tomorrow," Zayn explained to me.
I nodded and walked over to them. I stood behind the couch where Liam was sitting, Aedan securely in his arms. I hadn't been able to see my kids in a while, so this was, for once, a change for the better.
Liam turned around and handed Aedan over to me. I guess he was able to tell that I wanted to hold him. I cradled my son in my arms. I looked down to see that he was looking around the walls with wide eyes.
I felt so horrible. In the last couple days, this was only the second time i got to see them. I'm turning into such an awful mother. I don't want to be the kind of parent who never visits her kids.
"Nicole, are you okay?" I heard Liam softly ask. I looked up to see everyone staring at me. I felt something on my cheek. I lifted my finger up to my cheek, and felt a droplet on my finger. It was a tear. I was crying.
I felt my cheeks turn red from embarrassment. I quickly handed Aedan back to Liam, "Excuse me," I mumbled, as I turned away from them. I quickly walked up to my room and closed the door behind me, also locking it.
I really can't take this anymore. I'm never going to get better, so why do I even try anymore? If I never get better, then why am I still alive? I don't want my children to grow up with a mother like me. They'd be better off without a mother at all. I want them to live a happy life. They can only be happy without me.
I felt like I was in a daze. My mind was covered in a thick, dark, gray cloud. It was raining before, but now there's thunder and lightning mixed in. I couldn't escape anymore. The dark storm of depression had sunk me down so deep that I couldn't get out.
I searched around my room, looking for some type of blade. Liam took my other one, but there should be another pencil sharpener somewhere in my desk. I never really used them for sharpening pencils, though. When I was getting bullied in college, I stocked up on these, so I could cut myself during school. Well, they are helping me now.
I found a pencil sharpener an broke the plastic off of it, so I was left only with the metal blade. I didn't have to confirm if I should cut. This was a ritual for me. And I loved every second of it.
I walked into the bathroom and sat down on the tiled floor, preparing myself. This time it's for real. I was going to cut my wrists.
I felt the cool metal against my skin, as the blade touched it. Cutting wrists is difficult, and nerve-wracking. You don't know when all the pain and blood will hit. It takes time, because the blade I have isn't that sharp.
I guess I better start. I pressed the blade into my wrists, making sure everything was ready. My index finger and thumb firmly gripped the tiny blade. I can't keep living like this.
I let the blade swiftly move across my wrists. I wanted to die. I needed to die. Please, just let me leave. Make this quick, so I don't find any regrets. I need to die.
