why me? | sean lew

1st Scar

I had no power over him.

I was too scared that I would lose him, that no one would appreciate me anymore even though he never did.

I loved him. I cared for him. I worry about him. I did everything I could
But I guess I wasn't enough to be called "his". It hurts. Very much but I love him and I would do anything to be with him, even if he doesn't want me.

He has broken my heart physically and mentally. He kissed a girl in front of me. He held another girl in front of me. He was happy when I was broke.
And when I was happy I had to be sad because of him.

I asked myself everyday... Why me?
Its painful it hurts. But I love him but does he love me back?
Looking out the window made me feel more lonely,

My friends? Oh I wouldn't have them if it wasn't for Sean.

They knew Sean never loved me but why did he asked me to be his "girlfriend?"
"He probably did it for publicity"
Or
"maybe Y/N was only using him"
Rumours hurt. a lot
But did it effect him? No.
Did it effect me? Yes.
Did he knew it was happening? Yes.
Did I know it was happening? Yes.
Did he carry all the problems in this relationship? No, No he didn't.
it was me but why?

It hurts more when he comes home with another girl.
Overnight I hear them.
She will leave
She will come

Was "she" a different person everyday Sean brought someone back home?
He would cuddle with me every morning and always had the same explanation why he was late to come home over and over again.
I would accept the same explanation over and over again. He never knew that I knew, what he did.