why me? | sean lew

2nd Scar and Bruised

I woke up to sound of bacon sizzling.
I walked as tears drop down my cheeks, checking the guest bedroom.
It was a mess but how?
I knew why, but I had to pretend like I didn't

"Hey, Babe why was the guest room a mess?" I ask

"Oh I was dancing in there working on a new routine, sorry I'll fix it after breakfast" he responds

Lies. All lies

It hurts when he lies. It hurts more when I have to lie to myself to make him feel innocent. I looked sad. I felt sad. I was sad
But did he see it? No.
Did he feel it? No.
Did he know it? Yes, yes he did.
But did he do anything? Nope not one thing to comfort me.

"Babe, class out"

"Oka-" BOOM the door shut close
Who wonders what he's is doing right now?
He didn't fix the bed. He never said "I love you". He left me to do everything.
It was great that he is pushing his dream being a dancer but is he really dancing?

•••

Midnight
Another disaster, another painful moment, another unstoppable night
another night that I had to lie to my self.

"Come on Sean lets goo!!" a girl screamed

"Shhh my girlfriend up stairs" he whispered loudly

"KISSSS MEEEE!!" She screamed
Awkward silence was around the house until the girl said

"Sean you have a girlfriend I cant do this!" She was obviously drunk,

But was she the same girl that slept on the guest bedroom over and over again? I was sobbing loudly
It was like watching your parents fight but even worse. It hurts inside and out. I heard footsteps coming up and the door squeaking.
Sean cuddled with me in the bed.

"Who was she?" I ask turning around to face him

"She no one she this annoying fan that followed me home"
he replied hugging me tighter.

"So she wasn't the girl you come home at night everyday? she wasn't the girl that messed up the guest bedroom? she wasn't the reason why there is always pans and plate in the sink every morning? WOW Im surprised!" I said pushing him away and I walked out the room out the room onto guest bedroom I slept.

I heard him sob, I heard him cry, I heard him apologised. I heard everything even when I didn't want to. I listened for the explanation but I didn't believed it.

let him earn
what he lost.

I felt him, but did he felt me when I needed him? No, so I have the right to keep the door shut.