How it is

Chapter eight:

Love the way you conquer your fear,

You know,

Hearts don't break around here.

Christina's POV:

"It's been nearly a week; you can't stay here forever" Meredith rocked Ellis gently as we sat down on a park bench in the middle of Los Angeles. When I was at the airport, Meredith had called and asked about who was supposed to bring snack to daycare the following day. On the phone, I completely broke down and Meredith met me at the airport, where we decided to take a little impromptu vacation to California. Mer called Derek, took the baby and a few things, and we were off.

It wasn't until we were in LA that I realized Mer still had Addison's business card for her practice and her reasoning for choosing LA to vacation in was because this way, we could go see Addison for my first ultrasound to make sure everything was okay with the baby considering how much stress I was recently under.

"I can't go home yet" I told Meredith as I tentatively watched Scarlet run around the playground with all the other kids. She loved LA; the sun was a really nice break from the constant rain and clouds of Seattle.

"Christina, Owen is going to lose his damn mind if you don't bring Scarlet home soon" Meredith sighed "We've been here a few days, maybe we should go see Addison about the baby and then go on home"

The idea of going home and facing Owen, the idea of seeing Amelia big and pregnant with my husbands baby, my fucking husband, it made me sick to my stomach. She will now and forever be eternally linked to the man I am hopelessly in love with.

"I can't see him, I can't look at him. And I especially can't look at her" i feel a lump start to form in my throat and my eyes begin to sting. I haven't cried since the day at the airport and I wasn't about to start now.

"Christina I know how you feel. When I first met Addison, the day that I realized Derek was married, it broke me and this is breaking you too" She tried to console me, but I just wasn't having it.

"You and Derek weren't married; he didn't knock up someone else" I say bitterly, thinking there's no way she could possibly know how I'm feeling.

"No, we weren't married. But he was" she sighed "he had a whole other life; he had a wife and a house and a job. He had everything, and when I found out, I felt like I didn't know who he was anymore. At least like this, you still know Owen. He's the same Owen, he just fucked up"

"He fucked up big time" I mutter. Owen fucked up and I pay the price. "Jesus I feel so alone" I chuckle bitterly "I guess I am alone"

Mer shakes her head "You aren't alone; you've got me. And the kids. And everyone back home"

I nod, not wanting to tell her that it wasn't the same.

"And you've got a new baby coming" She tacks on.

I smile at that, just a little bit. If Owen was leaving me, or I was leaving Owen however this went, then at least I'd still have my kids. Scarlet would grow up with a sibling who understands, she wouldn't be stuck with just me, the Mother who couldn't even keep her daughters father around.

Another baby means I'm less alone than I was before.

"I know I didn't want kids, but I want this baby" I tell her "I didn't want Scarlet at first and now, I can't even imagine not having her"

"You've got your baby and your Harper Avery, everything you did and didn't want"

I nod aimlessly, before standing up.

"Lets go see Addison about that ultrasound"

~

"Meredith! It's nice to see you!" Addison smiled, as she ushered us into an examination room. Scarlet was perched on my hip while Ellis was in the Tula baby carrier around Meredith's middle.

"It's nice to see you too Addison" Meredith greeted.

"What brings you to LA?" She asks, setting up the ultrasound machine "or, what brings you to my practice in LA"

"We came out for a small trip and found out I was pregnant" I lie expertly "I just wanted to make sure everything was okay with the baby before we went back on a plane home"

She nods and motions for me to sit down. I place Scarlet down next to Meredith, and roll up my shirt before lying down on the examination table.

"Alright, do you have any idea how far along you are?" She asks me as she snaps some gloves on and swirls some gel on my belly.

"Seven weeks or so" I answer "maybe a little more. Seven and a half at most?"

She clicks a few buttons on the machine, seemingly concentrated in finding the baby and measuring how big he or she was.

"You're measuring about seven weeks, four days give or take. When you're father along you'll be able to get a more accurate date, as you already know, but everything looks...." she was looking around at the baby, I was looking at the screen as well but I couldn't make out much; I didn't read ultrasounds often, and this early on in a pregnancy there isn't much to see anyway.

"Does everything look okay?" I ask, slightly worried at how her face is contorted.

"Do you see that?" She points to a little blob on the screen. I nod.

"That's the embryonic sac" I reply "so there's definitely a baby in there"

She swivels the view on the screen a bit so its looking somewhat behind the sac, where there's another blob somewhat close to the baby.

"Now do you see that?" She asks me, pointing to the other blob.

I nod, squinting to get a good look. This blob was a little smaller so it seemed.

"You are definitely pregnant" Addison tells me "because there are two babies in there"

Realization dawns on me; the blob was a second sac. It sure as hell didn't look like one, but Addison was the baby doctor.

"Are you sure?" I ask "it doesn't look like a second baby; it could be an abnormality"

Addison points to the screen again, getting the second embryonic sac at a different angle "that's the baby; you can see him right there" she zoomed in on the blob, which was most definitely another baby now that I was seeing it up closer.

"Christina" Meredith said, just as shocked as I was.

"Scarlet honey come here" I ask my daughter, who quietly complies and climbs up into the bed next to me.

"You see that?" I point to the screen "you're going to have two baby brothers or sisters. That's the baby in Mommy's tummy. It's called an embryonic sac" I explain "it has the baby inside it"

"Sac like a bag?" She asks "you've got babies in bags in your tummy?"

I chuckle, and so do Meredith and Addison.

"Yes baby, there are little babies in bags growing in Mommy's tummy"

She smiles, proud of herself for the connection. She was only four; I wasn't going to explain to her the difference between a bag and an embryonic sac.

"Do you want a baby sister?" Addison asks "or two?"

Scarlet shakes her "Evie has brothers, I want brothers too"

"Well that sure is a solid argument" 

"I know"

A/N: sorry this took so long to get out I have been so busy with school and the weather has been shit. I literally just finished this chapter in English class. I'm working on this story and another published one AND I'm working on prewriting a Swanqueen story (I mentioned this before I believe). I'm sorry for the wait and it won't ever be this long again! Thanks so much for reading, I hope you'll read the Swanqueen I'm planning on posting soon as well!! (You won't need to watch once upon a time to understand the story, don't worry)

Thanks so much!!
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~Daisy