How it is

Chapter thirteen:

Life can get you down,

So I just numb the way it feels.

Drown it with a drink,

And out of date prescription pills.

Christina's POV:

9 weeks, 2 days

A week later, and I was miserable.

I thought making peace with Amelia's decision to keep her baby would help me move past what happened. Technically, Owen and I were separated because I needed to find myself. I needed time to figure out what to do, and maybe Owen was just doing the same thing. After all, him sleeping with Amelia didn't do anything except bring him back closer to me.

But I still couldn't keep acting like I was okay. Sure, the kids were the first priority, and okay, Amelia's baby didn't raise my blood pressure anymore. What made me angry was that Owen cheated on me because he was so drunk and so hurt he couldn't keep it together. The baby didn't ask to be made, it was Owen and Amelia's doing.

"Christina" Owen smiled as he approached me at the hospital. He was still staying in a hotel, we still had a split custody thing going on with Scarlet, and I was miserable. I didn't want things to be this complicated.

"Owen" I answered, while looking over a chart for a patient. I wasn't in the mood to be talking to Owen, really.

"I was wondering if maybe we could have dinner tonight to talk about me moving back in, to be closer to you and the kids" He asks hesitantly. He seemed nervous, rightly so, about asking.

"Not yet, Owen" I sigh, slapping the chart shut "I can't, not yet. I don't trust you and frankly, I'm still not overjoyed about our situation" with that, I turn on my heels and head off to surgery, leaving Owen to figure out what to do on his own.

~

"I don't know how you deal with it" Meredith and I were talking later on, about Owen and Amelia and the babies. I had two growing steadily in my stomach, Amelia had her one, and soon there would be four kids to worry about.

"I don't know how I deal with it either" I laugh "looking at Owen makes me hate myself. I feel like its my fault he slept with Amelia in the first place, so I feel guilty about hating the situation we're in" I sigh, and put a hand on my belly. I wasn't having any morning sickness or headaches like when I was pregnant with Scarlet, but my back was killing me all the time and I didn't even have a bump yet.

"Its not your fault, Christina. He made the choice he did, and he has to figure out how to fix it. How can he even fix it?" Meredith wonders aloud "if Derek cheated on me, I'd castrate him"

I chuckle lowly "Well, how did you and Derek fix it when you found out he was married to Addison?"

She shrugs "He proved to me that he loved me more than her, more than he ever could or would love her. He made me feel like I was all that mattered to him, that he and I were it, we were forever. He made me feel like he'd move heaven and hell just to make it better" Mer had that dreamy, love struck look in her eyes that people got when they recalled events that make them fall even more in love than they were before. "I knew no matter what he did, he loved me, and I loved him. Us loving each other so much was what got me through it. If we weren't in love the way we were, if he didn't act like I was the one person he wanted to spend forever with, I don't know if we'd still be together"

I knew what she was talking about, her feelings and how much she loved Derek. Owen used to make me feel like that; he used to make me feel like he'd do anything to love me and anything to keep me. But right now, I felt like every damn thing he did just drove me further and further away. And it hurt that he didn't seem to care that I was being driven away from him.

"We were so in love, and I'm still so in love" I groan in discontent "this would be so much easie

r if I didn't love him, then I could just leave him and move on with my life"

"Is it really love if it isn't an inconvenience at one point or another?" Meredith jokes "I broke up two people who were married for eleven years; they were family for eleven years. But time doesn't matter when you love someone. If that isn't inconvenient, then I don't know what is"

"Maybe Amelia is just one of those bumps in the road, one of those inconveniences" I think aloud "maybe her coming around was supposed to happen, as stupid as that sounds. Owen and I weren't doing well before Amelia and now maybe we'll both realize just how much we love each other" I felt like some sappy ass teenage girl who spent all her time crying over some stupid boy I met at the dance.

Only this wasn't some stupid boy; this was the love of my life.

~

I went home that evening, Scarlet was staying with Lexie and Evie because Mark had taken the boys to see his grandmother in New York for a couple of days and Lexie claimed (despite the fact that she didn't want any more babies) that the house was too quiet when there was only Evie.

Either way, I was grateful because I needed some sleep, lots of good sleep, and Scarlet was in that stage where she crawled into bed with me and hogged all the blankets, all the room on the bed, kicked me and punched me when she rolled over and latched onto my neck and refused to let go when she was feeling especially clingy.

I went to unlock the door, and was confused to see that it was already unlocked.

Opening the door, I cautiously went inside to see that the living room was spotless and folded laundry was sitting on the couch neatly in baskets. Wondering why someone would break in just to clean, I go to the kitchen to see Owen doing dishes.

"Jesus Owen, you scared the shit out of me" I exclaim, putting my hand over my chest "what are you doing?"

I see that the entire kitchen is cleaned and the smell of chicken lingers through the air.

"I need to earn your trust back" he informs me "and I realize that before anything happened, before Amelia and the babies, I was a bad husband. I was always on your case about work and Scarlet and the house" he sighs and runs a hand through his hair "I put so much stress on you to be the perfect mom and wife while I wasn't being perfect myself. So, I cleaned. I never clean, so I cleaned. And I folded laundry. And I made you supper" he adds "it's chicken and potatoes with some vegetables"

"Owen" I'm speechless. This was the first time in a while Owen actually cleaned and cooked. We had a maid that came ever Monday to sweep and mop and do all the stuff we don't have time to do. She even does laundry. But with a kid, the house gets messy very fast. So, I found myself cooking and cleaning way more than I ever thought I would.

"I know this isn't something that'll happen every day, but it's something I'm willing to do more often. Get off work early, clean up, and eat dinner with my wife and children" Owen tells me, before shrugging his jacket on "I love you. I really, really love you" he smiles at me "and I'll make as many chickens as it takes to make you trust me again"

Without another word, he wishes me goodnight and he wishes the babies goodnight (he used to talk to Scarlet when I was pregnant, too, and I always hated it. But tonight it was okay) before going to leave.

He did all this, he cleaned and he cooked and he made my day significantly easier. It might not seem like much to anyone else, but I am exhausted all of the time, and something as small as this is a big deal.

"Owen, why don't you stay for dinner" I call out, before he can leave "Scarlet is with Lexie tonight and it's kind pathetic to eat alone" I joke.

Owen turns around and I offer him a smile. This is me trying, was what I wanted to say, this is me wanting to forgive you.

Instead, I just smiled.

A/N- sorry I've been so long without an update, but exams are hell and this chapter is a lil longer than normal so I hope that makes up for it!! Thanks so much for reading, please vote and comment!!

~Daisy