Heaven || luke hemmings [HIATUS]

Chapter 5

A/N I'm gonna try to make this chappie not suck..

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"Alright." Luke tears his concentrated eyes away from his laptop screen. "It's uploaded."

Suddenly I get this wave of anxiety. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't still get panic attacks like I did when I was thirteen. Luke helped me get back on the right track but I still have all those awful memories branded into my thoughts. All those times my mom and dad made sure I knew I would never be good enough has followed me all the way to my sixteenth year and I don't think they have any plans on leaving anytime soon.

"Hey, are you alright?" Luke asks, concern washing over his face. God, I hate my anxiety. Whenever it decides to act up Luke always end up worrying. I hate it.

"Yeah, yeah." I wave him off. "I'm fine, Luke." I really wasn't but I wasn't about to let Luke worry about me. He already does that too often. He needs a break from all my screwed up feelings and shit.

"No, Violet." He shakes his head and wraps his arms around me, pulling me in for another hug. "Your not okay. What's the matter?"

"Nothing, luke. I swear." I say.

"Stop lying to me." He demands. It was gentle though, like he always was with me. He was almost too gentle with me sometimes. I will admit, I am brittle from my past, I just hated when people treated me like it.

"I'm not lying-" I start but Luke cuts me off before I can finish my sentence.

"Don't even try that, Vi." He says seriously. "I have known you long enough to know when your okay and when you not. Now spill."

"Luke, stop." I groan. I press my hands against his chest in an attempt to try and wiggle out of his strong arms. But I have no such luck. "You don't need to worry about me, I'm sixteen, not five."

"How can I not worry, Violet?" He untangles his arms from me, stepping back a few times to look me dead in the eyes. "Remember what happened last time you said you were okay and I didn't force it out of you? I don't feel like repeating that. Ever."

Luke's words hit a nerve. I remember what happened last time I said I was fine. It was the first time I flirted with death. It was around the time my dad started getting into drugs, when I was fourteen. We hadn't met ashton yet and Mikey and Cal didn't know about what went on in my home. Only Luke knew. So, shortly after Luke's mom kicked Luke's dad out, they went on a vacation to canada. (God knows why they went to Canada of all places, but I didn't question it.) Luke asked me if I was going to be okay without him for a few days. and naturally, I said yes. Long story short, it ended with a bottle of pills, and me in the hospital.

I don't speak due to a lack of anything to say and Luke continues. "Do you know what that would do to me if you ever did that again? It would kill me, Violet. I refuse to almost lose you, again."

It's crazy how Luke has this type of power over my emotions. One second he has me smiling uncontrollably, next second he has tears brimming my eyes. "Luke, it's just.." I breath back the tears. "God dammit, you know what it is."

"No, Vi, I really don't." He sighs, coming back in to envelope me in his arms, but I back away before he can.

"Yes you do, Luke!" My voice comes uneven and shaky.

He sighs and runs his fingers through the hair sticking out through the front of his grey beanie. He's having a hard time keeping calm, I can tell. But I know he's going to try his best to keep calm, for me. I wish I wasn't such a major bitch when he's only trying to help. I'm just so stubborn and don't like to admit I need help, ever.