Heaven || luke hemmings [HIATUS]

Chapter 17

Ashton let us borrow his car again. The ride was weird and there was constantly an awkward silence falling between us. It was then when I started regretting the kiss more than ever. Before, awkwardness was never part of the equation. And now, it's like that's all we know how too act; awkward. I would have never gotten upset about Luke and Stephanie before, and now when I see Luke and her my blood boils. I don't want it this way. I don't like it this way.

We made it home within about twenty minuets and immediately, I made a dash upstairs in hopes of getting away from Luke. But we both knew that there was no running away from the situation, it was inevitable.

"Vi," Luke calls to me from the bottom of the stairs. I had scurried into my room quickly, but still left the door wide open.

I heard his huge converse-covered feet pounding against the wooden stairs as he finally came through the door. Words wouldn't be able to describe how much I had been dreading this moment. He kissed Stephanie, I danced with Drew. It was like a silent war that's now being acknowledged. But, if we could both settle on our little kiss meaning less than nothing, than maybe this would turn out alright.

"Yes, Luke?" I say, not daring to look at him.

"You know we need to talk about this." He runs a hand through his disheveled hair.

"You kissed Stephanie, I danced with Drew," I begin, trying to get this over with a soon as possible. I shouldn't be mad with him, but I can't control my feelings right now. "I don't see the big damn deal." I spit out, crossing my arms over my chest. He seemed a bit taken back at first, but recovered quickly.

"It is a big deal, Violet." He sighs.

"But it's really not!" I counter. "Can we both agree that our kiss meant nothing and move on with out lives, it was a mistake, Luke!"

"What?" Luke stares at me, dumbfounded.

"I said it was a mistake," I repeat, a bit more heated this time. "You even said it yourself a couple days ago!"

"Christ, I said I didn't mean that, Vi." He huffs and begins pacing up and down my room, running hands through his even more messy blonde hair.

"Well then what was that kiss supposed to mean, Luke?" My voice begins to escalate to higher volumes before I can control it.

"I don't know." He mutters just loud enough for me to hear him. "I don't know." He repeats. But there's a certain distance in his voice that led me to believe he wasn't talking to me as much as he was to himself.

"Can we just say it meant nothing and move on?" I huff, clearly annoyed as I uncross my arms in exchange to plant them on my hips.

"No," he says, Louder, swiveling around to look at me. "We can't."

"Jesus fucking Christ," I let out an elongated groan, throwing my head back. "Why can't we?"

"Today made it perfectly clear we can't just move on!" He exclaims. This was the part that wasn't making any sense; one moment we couldn't be better, even after the kiss happened. And now it's a huge ordeal. Maybe I was falling for Luke in a sense that I really didn't want to, and maybe he felt the same way. But I've known him since I was thirteen. If we were going to fall in love it would have already happened.

"It wasn't just a mistake, it was a huge mistake, and it should have never happened." I spit, turning on my heel to exit my room, but Luke's hand gripped gently around my forearm stops me before I can storm out, and I can't will myself to shake his grasp. He turns to to face him, but I don't look up.

"Why do you suddenly hate the idea of the kiss so much?" He asks, his words sounding so clueless and innocent.

"Are you serious, Luke?" I narrow my eyes, finally meeting his soft gaze with my hard one. "I thought about you all day, I spent my time missing you, I was so close to calling you but I knew you were too busy too talk, with band practice and all. I dragged myself to a fucking party just too see you, and I ended up seeing you sucking face with Stephanie again!" I explode, assuming my true feelings would escape the longer I ranted. "Not that I should be mad because we aren't dating but what the fuck, Luke? Not even as much as a fucking hello when I got in the car tonight. I dressed up nice, just too see you! But I understand that I'm just being a silly bitch and overreacting!" I pry his fingers from my arm. "Now, are we done?"

"I-I- didn't know," Luke stutters dumbly and quietly, letting what I just said sink in deeply. "I didn't know you felt like that." He finally gets out after a few seconds of tripping over his own tongue.

"Yeah," I sigh, feeling the angry heat in my cheeks leave. "I didn't either." I say quietly, brushing past Luke who seems paralyzed in the hallway.

I stalk back into my room, collapsing onto my bed and retreating under the covers, looking to hide from the current situation.

I wanted the old Luke and Violet back. The ones that could cuddle in bed without it being sexual, The ones who had a strong and not bipolar relationship, the ones who were idiots ninety nine percent of the time. I didn't like the ones who were fighting, constantly being chased and torn apart by something that should have never happened, the ones that got jealous easily and did things out of spite and uncertainty. It's not at all where I saw us headed, but now that we're here, I want to rewind.

I loved the kiss, I did. But for a normal relationship with Luke again, I would take it back.

I though we'd be okay, like we always were, but everything was changing a bit too quickly. One second I'm convinced our kiss meant something, then I'm convinced it was a mistake. One second we were fine, and then it all goes to hell. We are both making this harder than needed, I just don't know how to handle this the right way, if there is even a right way.

~*~

I had cried a bit before drifting into a light sleep. They were tears of frustration. I wanted Luke to cuddle with right then, but that's the thing. We weren't okay. And I hated it.

He hadn't left, I didn't think. I could still see the faint light of the kitchen light from downstairs and I assumed Luke hadn't left yet. As mad as I had been a few hours before, I still wanted to be with Luke. I wished that I wasn't always in need of Luke, but he was a necessity, unfortunately.

I slowly came to, letting out a sleepy groan as I untangled myself from my comforter. My feet felt chilled as they made contact with the cold wooden steps. I was a bit thirsty and felt the need to get water, but there was a bit of curiosity that I had pushed to the back of my mind wether or not Luke was still in the house or not.

I hurried into the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water before stopping by the couch. There was Luke, his legs tucked under him as he snored softly, his hair still a mess.

I sigh and head back into my room, setting the glass down on my side table while I buried myself back under my fortress of blankets piled onto my bed.

I laid and stared at the wall for a few hours, unable to fall back asleep. It was maybe around three o'clock before I started to drift off, thinking of Luke again. I didn't bother to try and shake the thoughts this time. It felt like déjà vu, only the following event confirmed at one point I wasn't just dreaming.

I had felt the bed shift vaguely, followed by an arm draped over my waist, soft snoring floating on the silence after a few moments. I had opened my eyes, but I didn't look because I knew it was Luke.

As much as I loved it right there, like that. I knew once again, we were back at square one.

-

Bloop it sucks

At least I updated Cx