Lost My Way

"Thoughts from That Short Person" [1]

Do you know what it feels like to be sad and cry?
Do you know what it feels like to be happy and cry?

I experienced both in one week. As I sit to type this up, I am crying. No one can see me crying, but that's okay. The only people I'll ever let see me cry are my family--I can't let someone else see me cry or I'll get panicky. 

For 1 days, I asked my sister for advice.

For 2 days, I asked those around for advice.

For 3 days, I sat and reflected on the advice.

All the way through, I was scared. I was only going off what people had told me. I really didn't know what to do or how to deal with stuff like this.

In the end, I said all I wanted to say.

Well, not all.

I still had more to say, but I stopped.

Yeah, you might have made me cry. Yeah, you might have made so many people worried.

But it's not like we're mad. We're worried because we want to be. 

Whatever happens in between now and the future, we stand by your side. 

We'll advise you on what to do. In the end, it comes to your decision and yours alone. We can't force to stop, but we can help you to stop. 

There were so many times that I'd love to hug you and just say that everything would be okay.

But I couldn't lie to you, so I never did.

There were so many times that I'd love to tell you all my problems.

But I can't have you add one more thing on your list of "things to be distracted about," so I never did.

I can't talk like this to you in person--I'd just stumble on my words and my point would not get across. 

I'm such a coward, aren't I?

I've stopped crying now, maybe because my mom's home. 

Let's end this here.

This is a good place to wrap this up.

I'm going to retreat to my mustache journal.

Nan neoreul saranghae.

I love you.