Lost My Way

"Thoughts From That Short Person" [10]

Three months ago, right? As always, a lot has gone down since then. And they're all pretty worth sharing.

Same song and dance, I guess: Andrei and I find a way back to each other, we have a big argument (and it ended terribly, like always), and come back together again (not dating) after awhile. So now that I have you caught up, let's get down to some details.

I had to talk to someone and convince them dying is worse than living.

I wouldn't say it's too hard, to do that? But it's certainly a feat.

(Unless the person is as stubborn as heck, though...)

As I talked to this person, I came to realize: if I talk about these things, then... Don't I have to believe in what I'm saying too? Or else I'd just be kinda... Lying, you know?

So after I watched Burn The Stage, I really felt that. I should start believing in what I say. All that "love yourself, accept yourself" isn't just a statement I have to say so that someone will see life is worth living. I've got to feel it too.

Well, besides, that, I have definitely had my lowest points of the year in these past three months. Grades, emotional imbalance... I slipped and I could not get up for a long, long time. I mean, I'm just starting to pick myself up (maybe, it's break week but even that's almost over). I can't help but feel I've failed Past Me, you know? The rate of my tenacity and happiness has just decreased and it's laughable sometimes haHAHAHA

draft: november 22, 2018.