Lost My Way

"Thoughts From That Short Person" [6]

Hello, it's been awhile, hasn't it?

I suppose it has--the last I wrote was September 9. Much has gone down since then, and with exams starting tomorrow I thought I'd write this all down to get it out of the way. 

The week following my last "Thoughts From...," Andrei and I finally made it official and confessed to liking each other. That was Friday, September 15. From there our relationship just grew, and it felt really good. Even if we barely saw each other, words made up for looks and liked turned into loved and there was nothing wrong.

Saturday, October 7 was the day I first felt real fear. His mom had found out and sent me an angry text telling me to stay away from her son. I was torn: she was a mother and I'm sure my parents would have done something similar, but I also cared for him and didn't want to let go. But we kept our distances at church to keep her anger away.

It was a week and a half until he texted me again. By then I'd settled for texting him even if he'd blocked my number and I was really only text myself, and I was startled when he answered. That was short lived, as Andrei's mom caught on pretty quick and sent me another angry text. By this point I was experienced in dealing with whatever texts she sent me from his phone and I didn't let this one affect me as much as I let the other one did.

Then concert night came and took me by surprise.

As some things need to be kept private, long story short, he apologized to me for what he did after the concert and then unleashed his feelings on me.

I almost drowned those two nights after. I had never taken him as someone who would think like that and yet it physically and emotionally hurt to see him like that. I turned to the people who'd known him longer than I had for help, and each one gave me their advice. In the end, it ultimately came to my decision. 

I stayed with Andrei for 2 hours, crying for his sake because I didn't want him to be like that. He didn't deserve that--all of that self doubt and...

I'd like to say he's doing better. But some days he is and some days he isn't. It makes it harder when his mom completely despises me, not to mention she gave a third text that only added to his self hatred. 

But that's okay. I can deal with whatever comes my way, as long as he'll be okay then I'll be okay. I'd do pretty much the same for almost everyone.

Now it's December, and Christmas Eve is next week. It may be exams, but that doesn't stop any of us from being cheerful. I may be getting sick, but exams don't stop for anyone! 

I'm still shrouded in the dark, but the help and care of everyone brings me closer to the light everyday. I wish the best for everyone as 2017 ends and 2018 begins: a new year, and while it may not be a new you, there will be new experiences and chances for your future. As bad as it will get, the universe will balance it for you and bring something that will make you better. That much I can believe.

Because if you won't think positive, you'll stay stuck in a circle, getting dizzy with your mentality and eventually hurting yourself. 

Don't do that. That's bad for you.

Good night c: