Twenty Øne Reasons to Live

Chapter Twenty-Øne

My Point of View

"I have to go to the bathroom," I said, slipping away as Sarah blabbed on. Good, at least she was doing a good job with keeping them distracted. In all honestly, I was running out of ideas. I didn't go on about people much. However Sarah, that was practically her major in school.

I ran up the carpeted steps and then into the second floor bathroom. There was just a bathroom and a bedroom up there, the rest of the bedrooms are on the first floor. I quickly called Josh, and he answered, sounding extremely angry.

"Yeah?"

"What do you mean he isn't there?!" I demanded, my voice cracking and getting rough. I already had a rough voice, but it accentuated when I was upset.

"The little snake must of run off."

I panicked, my throat becoming tight. "Oh my go-"

"Gosh," Josh finished for me, but I was too scared to be irritated.

"Josh................................................................................................... You need to go look for him."

"Where do we even-"

"I think he ran off the road." I swallowed past the knot in my throat. "I think he ran off the road and I think he did it on purpose."

"You think he killed himself?"

I began to cry, and replied, "I don't know, okay?! I don't know but please go and make sure he's okay! Please."

His tone changed. "Okay, we're going, Kit. We're going."

He hung up, and I brought my fingers to my mouth and realized I had no nail left to bite at. I nibbled at my skin around my nails- something I only did when truly distressed.

I slid down into the corner, and grabbed at my own hair. Why does the world have to be like this? Why does life have to be like this?

I should of known better, to let him by himself when his Mom's health is failing.

A bead of sweat rolled off my forehead. I pulled off my sweatshirt, and looked at my forearms. Swallowing, I forced myself to look at what I had done. What I was still doing. Some of the scars were barely visible. Faded from time. Still, every time I left another mark on my arm was a mark on my mind. I remember every single scar. Every single feeling of when I did it. Every single weapon I used.

I crawled to the sink and opened the cupboard door. My makeup bag was there, although I almost never wore any. I wasn't pretty either way, so why try?

I pulled the eye shadow case from it, and there was a mirror inside. I began to cough violently to cover the sound of breaking the mirror on the floor, giving me about 12 new razors. I slid back to my spot, and froze.

No.

No.

No.

No, Kirsten, no.

You're better than this.

You're stronger than this.

You can-

Don't listen to them.

They're wrong.

You're weak.

You have no chance.

None.

Give in, little girl.

Josh's Point of View

I hung up the phone, and sighed deeply. Unabashed compassion wasn't something I felt for Rider until now. He was sick. He needed help too. However, being sick doesn't give him leave to do that crap to my baby sist----

..........Oops.

"What's going on? What did she say?" Tyler asked me.

I shook my head. "She think he's killed himself."

"Would he do that?" he questioned, but I think he already knew the answer.

"Maybe, I- I don't know. But Kit thinks so, so it has to be a possibility. After all, she's known him for a while."

Ty nodded. "Lets go find him."

Rider's Point of View

I jerked the steering wheel into a shady gas station by the looks of it, and I parked sloppily. Not like it mattered. Ain't my car if someone has an issue with it.

Walking in, I scoped out the place, and saw a couple kissing in the corner. I'm pretty sure it was the cashier and either the owner or a customer. Wow... Professional.

It made me want to puke. The entire idea of love is a joke. Nobody loves me. Kirsten used to love me, but now she doesn't. Mom doesn't understand love anymore, she has no idea what I do for her.
Not like she'd care if she did know, but still. And Dad never loved me. Never.

I got a red slushee, and walked to the counter. No one came, surprise, surprise.

Shaking my head I pulled out the gun I conceal carried. It was called my just in case gun. You know, just in case I want to die, or just in case the ditty girl working at the run and go mart on the corner of hell decides to get in a tongue fight when paying freaking costumers are trying to drown their pain in the consumption of sugar....

"Alright listen up!" I barked, and they jerked away, and I smiled when I saw the fear in their eyes. "Now, I was going to pay for this Chilly Cherry, but not now! And it's your fault!!! All of your fault! Don't you understand this?" I threw the drink onto the floor where it splattered. "My Mom is dying and I just....... I just......"

My Point of View

"NO!" I screamed, and threw the sliver of broken mirror into the toilet.

I did the exact same thing with the rest of the shards then shoved myself to my feet and ran to my room, where I pulled out my stash of blades and dumped them in the toilet as well.

Then I flushed.

Tears streamed down my face as my heart lightened up several, oh, million pounds or so.

My phone began vibrating on the counter, and I picked it up.

"Did you find him???"

His nervous laugh came through my speaker. "Well, kind of but it would appear someone else found him first...."

"Tell Brian not to touch him!!" I yelled.

"-Who?
......No, Kirsten, the police are here."

Update! Update! I'm really sorry once again for not updating sooner, just battling stuff. And it tends to make me lose motivation but after I posted my A/N ya'll really helped me. You inspired me. Thank you. I want to do something special for you guys because of that, and that's why the next thing I post will be a quick sneak peak into a future chapter. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and always remember to keep fighting.