Twenty Øne Reasons to Live

Chapter Thirty-Three

My Point of view 

I awoke to a sweet but savory smell entering my nose. While I wasn't sure why it made me want to open my eyes. I heard some humming now, and I cracked my eyes open just enough to see who was making the noise. 

I saw Josh standing at the little stove in the corner of the kitchen, just cooking away. He was humming some tune I thought that I recognized, but I couldn't quite place it. 

"Hm...hm...hm...hmmm....hmmmmmmmm..."  

It was then that I realized Josh was humming his own dang song. He was humming Stressed Out. At first, I thought this was just a little bit pathetic. But then I smiled gently to myself, thinking that it was actually kind of cute. 

I closed my eyes again, trying to fall asleep. Josh's humming became more and more intense and I almost laughed now. He was getting very into it. I opened my eyes again to see him using two spatulas as drumsticks in the air. 

Now I did laugh. 

He whipped around and his eyes lit up when he smiled. "Goooood morning, Kit!" 

He seemed a little more enthusiastic than he usually is. 

"Uh, good morning." 

"How ya doing Kidaroo?" he asked, skipping over to me. "You look like you're doing better today!" 

"I'm-" 

"KIT! GOOD MORNING!" Tyler's sleepy voice boomed from his bedroom doorway. He ran out and hugged my head. 

I laughed. Man, what was up with them? 

"Do you want some bacon?" Josh asked me. 

"Uh, sure. Can I?" I was nervous to eat anything honestly, after puking so much. 

"Maybe start with a banana," Tyler said, holding it as if it were a poisonous snake, ready to bite him at any time.

"Alright," I said, taking the banana from him. "I'm surprised you bought me these since you both hate them so much."

Tyler smiled at me for a moment like I was his own daughter. The idea filled my stomach with warmth. "Hun...your health comes before any dislike, no matter how disgusting the thing purchased was."

I laughed a little. "Alright... thanks."

"...Plus I made Jenna buy it, not me." He added giving me a mischievous grin. 

"Yeah, if you keep that down Kid, you can have some yummy yummy bacon," Josh told me, shoving a piece in his mouth.

I sat up and began to work on my banana. I glanced back up at Tyler and Josh for a moment to see them both looking at me. Their eyes had a certain softness in them that I don't think I've seen yet. It wasn't unlike empathy.

"Are you two okay?"

They smiled at the same time. "Yeah Kid, we're great."

Josh walked over to me and sat down, and Tyler followed suit. It didn't look like Jenna was up yet. Or maybe she was on another errand for my food. 

I looked at Josh for a moment and remembered all that he did for me last night. He slept in that uncomfortable recliner all night for me.

"Hey Tyler, can you give me and Josh a second? I need to talk to him about something."

The boys exchanged glances quickly, and I thought I saw some nervousness on Josh's face. I wasn't sure what they thought it was going to be about, but I just wanted to thank him.

Ty stood up and went into the bedroom and I heard the shower start a minute later.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Josh asked me, setting down his carton of orange juice. I still saw that cautiousness behind his eyes. Made me wonder if he was hiding something.

I scootched closer to him and kissed his cheek as quickly as I could.

The smile he had on his face now I think was the biggest smile I've ever seen Josh have. The skin by his eyes wrinkled and his nose bunched up. His entire face lit up with this grin.

"Well...what did I do to deserve that, Kid?"

"I saw you in that recliner last night. Sleeping in here for me. Thank you," I let a shy smile split my lips.

"Aw, Kid, you're welcome. It was the very least I could do. Really. I just wanted to make sure you were safe." He shrugged.

I felt so terrible for all the times I was so mean to him. He was now the greatest guy I have ever met, and the closest friend I have. He put himself in so much discomfort last night just to ensure my safety. I wish I could give him something even close to what he's given me.

I gently laid my head on his shoulder and he genty touch his hand to the side of my head. Something about the sentiment made me want to cry. 

"Hey Josh?"

"Yeah Kid?"

"I've never felt like this before," I told him, closing my eyes, smiling to myself.

"Uhhh, like what?" he sounded a little concerned.

I realized a beat later that he thought I was professing my love for him or something ridiculous like that.

"Oh Lord Josh... nothing like that, you know you're like my brother!" I giggled, face now pressed into his shoulder.

He exhaled a sigh of relief. "Okay, good. You had me scared there."

"No... not that."

"Then what?" He lightly nudged me with his shoulder, prodding me.

I felt silly for what I was about to say because I didn't even know if it was the truth. But it was how I felt right now, and I think he needed to hear this. Just to show him how much he means to me and how much he's done for me.

"You..." I choked. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I mean, how much would it break him if I changed my mind? Somehow, I didn't think that I would. Not about this. 

"I- what? Now you're killing me, Kid!" he laughed a little, his impatient little boy personality coming out.

"You... you make me want to stay alive." 

As my last word hit the air between us, I  felt his entire body stiffen. He pushed me away from his shoulder now, looking me right in the eyes. He had both of his big, strong hands on my shoulders and for a moment that's all he did... just stare at me. I saw his eyes turn glassy, but he didn't break his gaze.

Out of nowhere, it seemed, he pulled me into him, hugging me tighter than he ever had before. I returned the hug gladly.

He put his hand on my head and smoothed my hair for a moment. I felt his body lightly shake against mine, and I knew the glassy eyes had turned into more. He was crying.

"Oh no Josh I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry!"

"No Kid... that's the best thing anyone has ever told me before. Thank you. Thank you so much." 

"Yeah Josh, of course." 

"Hey, if you're feeling good enough tonight, I want you to come to the show with us. Ty and I have a little surprise for you." 

"You do?" I asked, smiling. If it was from them, it would be amazing. 

"We do," he said grinning ear to ear. "Hey, you... how about I go grab Tyler and you tell him what you just told me?" 

I let a genuine smile spread on my face. "Of course." 

UPDATE! Again, I'm so sorry! My life has been CRAZY busy lately, I'm in my senior year of High School and I have a job and a boyfriend and obsessing over TOP (as always) it's been hard to have time to just sit down and write. I've missed all of you beautiful people, and I am so excited to be writing again. How about we kick this off by everybody commenting what their favorite song off of TRENCH is??? 

As always my lovelies, Stay Alive ||-//