Twenty Øne Reasons to Live

Chapter Nineteen

Josh's Point of View

For every moment that passed, she gripped me tighter, and I was giving myself a stomach ache from holding myself back from crying. Kirsten didn't deserve this. No one deserved this. All I cold think of were my sisters. They meant everything to me, and if they were ever in Kit's place, I don't know what I would do. Kirsten was very quickly becoming my little sister. I won't let anything happen to her. I can't.

"Don't disappear, don't disappear, don't..." she pleaded, still holding on to me tight.

Tyler's lips twitched, and he approached us. "C'mon," he said, pulling lightly on Kit's shoulder.

She turned around, and for the first moment I realized that my hoodie was wet. She had cried that much?

"What?" her voice was broken and nasally, and her eyes were puffy. I hated seeing her like this. Especially when there is absolutely nothing I can do to change that.

"Let's go for a little walk, you and me..." said Tyler to Kit, who nodded, smearing her face with the liquid still seeping from her eyes.

She hobbled off with him, Tyler's hand just lightly touching her upper back to guide her in the right direction.

My Point of View

I didn't want to lose them. That may seem stupid to you since I barely know them, but imagine a world where someone passes you on the street and you smile but receive a frown. Where you show kindness, and get hatred in return. You try to help your struggling best friend and two black eyes and a broken nose is what you get back. Never any reciprocation. Love comes from the only source that us has to come from- your parents. Sometimes I feel like more of a liability than a human.

Then one day, when your entire world has bled out it's colors- any drop of brilliance it may of once possessed- there's a flicker of color in your world of black and grey. Everything changes because of that one small glimpse into another universe. I wanted to believe in that universe so badly. 

It was a cold night, and street lights illuminated the wet ground where the snow had melted a few days prior. The light put off by the lamps was almost that of a fire's glow; not as pure as solid white, yet not as murky as a dim yellow.

For once in my life, someone was walking beside me. I saw the shadow of another human chasing me further down the path of life.

"How many times, Kirtsen?" he asked me, putting his hands in his pockets. Most likely for warmth, because I'm freezing, and walking against the (although light) wind wasn't a pleasant or helpful thing.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," he replied, casting a quick glance my way. 

I know exactly what he means. "How many times- what?" I played dumb, fearing if I answer this new shadow with me might get spooked and run, and I can't lose this one. Not this one. I won't. 

"How many times, Kirsten?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Tyler..." this time I was far  less convincing, I think. 

He stopped walking, and gave me a firm stare. "Kirsten," he reiterated, and I knew then there was no way out of this. 

"Five," I said, looking down and walking again. My shame showed through my barely audible voice. 

"And that burn on your neck-" 

"Stop," I snipped, as politely as a quick desperate command can sound.