Ruin Me

37. Hit me

"Grey," my grin faltered then fell away completely to be replaced by a look of serious concern. I reached out and tugged at the shirt which had twisted slightly to reveal a huge purple splotchy bruise underneath. As I pulled up his shirt I saw that the bruise continued up the side of his ribcage in a mottle of purple, black and yellowish bruising. It looked like someone had punched him in his side over and over again. My mouth was hanging open slightly as I stared at the bruise the size of my face.

"It's nothing," Grey shifted away from me so his shirt fell back into place and the bruise was hidden once again.

"Sure doesn't look like nothing," I remarked quietly.

"Cara," was that a warning or a plea? Grey's eyes focused on mine, his gaze steely and focused, "let it go."

Seriously, he wanted me to let go of the biggest bruise I'd ever seen in my life, he would never do that if he saw even the tiniest bruise on me. Friends looked out for each other, Mitch always said, but this seemed to be very one sided. All the boys came to my rescue but the second I wanted to help them they clammed up like a limpet.

"Who?" That was all I wanted to know, who the hell would do this to Grey? His eyes flashed with pain, it must be someone close to him, this was no accident and it certainly wasn't the first time. A swarm of memories and flashbacks hovered in Greys eyes, I could see his pain.

I knew Grey had a difficult home life but this went way beyond even that, this was serious. A bruise that big and that bad didn't appear out of nowhere. I realised how little I actually knew about the boys and their families and lives outside of these walls. I didn't know what had happened to them before I knew them, I didn't know the circumstances that had shaped their lives.

"Who?" I demanded again, I knew it mattered. The who always mattered because it was never so none insignificant, the who was the problem. It wasn't the beating that was the worst bit, it was who was giving it to you.

"My stepdad," Grey said simply, like it didn't even matter that the person who was meant to be a father figure was pummelling the crap out of him.

"Does your mom know?" Did she just stand by and let it happen? Did she ignore it and pretend nothing was wrong? Was she indifferent to it? Or was she in denial?

"Cara, I said it's not a big deal please just let it go, I'm fine. I'm here now aren't I," Grey huffed dragging his hand through his hair in irritation.

Around the table the three others boys had ashen faces and expressions halfway between wanting to speak and halfway wanting to curl up in a ball and cry a thousand tears for their hurt friend.

"You make me tell you everything, you never let things go with me so why the stupid double standard?" I demanded feeling my blood starting to boil. Why was I never allowed to help? Did they think I was too naive, too stupid to get it?

"You just wouldn't understand," Grey stood up sharply and walked out the room leaving us all in a stunned silence. It only took a moment before I was moving to go after him.

"Leave him Cara he's going through a lot right now," Mitch tried but I gave him a glare so sharp he shut his mouth and let me race after Grey.

I found him sitting on the back steps of Kings Bridge with his legs stretched out as he stared pensively at the immaculate lawns spreading out in front of him. It was so, so quiet.

I sat down next to him and drew my knees into my chest wrapping my arms protectively around them. We sat in silence like that for a while just watching the grass grow until I couldn't handle the silence any longer. I had to release some of the fizz bubbling over inside my head.

"My mom had a miscarriage about this time last year," I informed him in nearly a whisper, "she fell into a serious depression after, she wouldn't get up or eat or drink. It was awful. In the end she had to go to a rehab clinic thing to get help."

"I'm sorry Cara," Grey sounded so genuine, like he actually cared about my life and everything that I'd gone through.

"That's not the point," I told him with a shake of my head, I exhaled slowly before continuing, knowing that once I'd said the words I couldn't go back. "While she was there she told me to find somewhere to stay because we didn't know anyone who could look after me and we had no money. So I did what she needed me to, I found myself a boyfriend and moved into his apartment. At first he was just a means to an end, a way of having a roof over my head and food in my stomach. But soon I found myself falling for him. He was 21 and handsome and worldly and smart. He taught me so many things and as the weeks went by I fell deeper and deeper in love with him. I would've gone to hell and back for him. I did."

"Cara?" Grey was staring at me so intently he was burning a hole into my skin, "what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I understand you," I looked him dead in the eye, "I understand what you're going through more than you can imagine."

"What do you mean?" He fumbled, he knew exactly what I meant, he just didn't want to believe it.

"I lied about something," I touched the scar running along my forearm softly and instantly had a flashback of shouting and smashing, then black crawling across my vision, "this wasn't from a cat flap. My boyfriend threw a chair at my which splintered and cut my arm open. I had two fractured ribs, a broken wrist, nose and six fractured fingers in the year I knew him. As well as hundreds of bruises and cuts all over my body. He used to throw plates and saucepans at me and even once a lamp and then just kick me over and over again on the floor." I stopped surprised at how much I'd just let out, but it felt kind of liberating to tell someone, to get it off my chest. The fizzing had subsided now.

"I'm so sorry," Greys voice was so quiet it was barely there.

"After mom got out of the clinic I broke up with him, I vowed that I was done with him and the way he'd treated me for months. But I wasn't done, I would go back to him each time and let myself be hit by him over and over again. Because I loved him. Each time I promised myself he was out of my life he would charm his way back into my life and make sure I could never fully stop loving him," now I'd started taking I just couldn't stop, "I'm telling you this because I do understand Grey, I get it. I know what it's like to be hurt by the ones you love most. For them to betray your trust, for someone who you idolise and look up to treat you like dirt. To want to never see them again but still never be able to sever your ties with them." I sucked in a long steadying breath, "It's hell on earth."

"It's fucking hell," Grey agreed pushing his hands back through his hair despairingly and for a split second I could've sworn I saw the fire in his eyes flicker and die before igniting back to life. It scared me the fact that for even the tiniest of moments that fire had vanished.

Grey deserved better than hell, we all did.

***

A bit more of a somber chapter I'm sorry but I hope you enjoyed and I would love to hear your feedback on it. Again thank you all so much for taking the time to read this corner of my imagination.

X