Ruin Me

21. Shop me

Shopping with Mina turned out to be the most challenging experience I'd ever encountered. I wasn't much of a shopper myself, I usually just grabbed whatever was the cheapest and looked vaguely comfy. Money had never been something to take for granted when I was growing up so I'd learnt early on how to economise. Only the essentials, and this-seasons-clothes were never an essential. Mina was the complete other end of the spectrum, I held up hundreds of possible dress options but each one she vetoed instantly, barely giving at a glance before dismissing it.

We'd gone through nearly all the clothes shops in the mall by the time Mina let out a long huff and suggested we take a break. I was more than happy to follow her into the nearest coffee shop.

"I'm exhausted," Mina flopped into a chair clutching her caramel frappe. I collapsed into the chair opposite with my latte.

"Tell me about it," I sighed, "I hate to break it to you but you're the hardest person to go shopping with."

"I wish you were the first person who'd told me that," Mina laughed in spite of herself, "which is why the mall isn't a place I visit often."

"I can see that," I chuckled sipping my scalding drink.

"So," Mina leaned forward suddenly and rested her face in her hands as she stared directly at me, "what's the deal with you and the Kings Bridge boys?"

"What do you mean?" I squirmed already knowing where this was going.

"You can't seriously tell me that nothing has happened with any of them?" Mina shook her head disbelievingly.

"I can," I nodded, "nothing has happened, we're all just friends."

"But they're gorgeous," Mina's mouth hung open, "and they live with you."

"Exactly," I sighed, "I live with them, it would never work."

"That's not the reason," Mina narrowed her eyes, "there's something else going on."

I groaned internally, why did she have to be so perceptive?

"I don't know," I started feebly, part of me wanted to tell her to get it off my chest. But the more sensible part of me reminded that part what a bad idea it was.

"You do know, you just don't want to say," Mina leant back in her chair and folded her arms as she regarded me.

"It's complicated," I sighed heavily.

"Try me," Mina smirked, "I might be able to keep up better than you think."

"It's not that," I shook my head distractedly, "it's just hard to talk about."

"Is it about your mom?" I flinched back slightly at Mina's suggestion.

"Why would you say that?"

"In art today when Miss said your mom looked enigmatic you said, 'she was', like she's not any more," I hadn't realised she'd been paying that close attention to what I was saying.

"She's dead," I stated simply, "she died a month ago."

"I'm so sorry Cara," Mina reached across the table and touched my arm gently, "I can't imagine what that would be like."

"Awful," I kept my voice empty of emotion, it was the only way I could talk about it, "it's awful."

"So, is that why?" Mina prompted softly.

"Why what?"

"You're scared of relationships?"

"Not quite," I exhaled, once I said it I couldn't take it back. The more I shared of the life I'd wanted to leave behind the harder it was to forget it. I wanted to separate them, keep them from ever crossing paths but what had happened there effected the person I was now so much that it was impossible not to let the past seep into the present. They were inevitably intwined. "I had a boyfriend back in Vegas, a serious one. It's hard to explain, there was a lot of shit going on at the time and he helped me through it. Then after moms death I broke up with him, he wasn't entirely .... happy about it."

Not happy was an understatement.

"So you're still not over him?" Mina clarified.

"He's a hard person to get over," I agreed.

"Why did you break up with him then?" More difficult questions.

I pondered for a moment, trying to come up with the right words, "our relationship was very .... intense."

That was one word for it, I could tell Mina didn't completely buy my story but she didn't pry any more.

"It must've been difficult for you to lose them both at once though," Mina empathised.

"Yes, it was." I felt my heart twang inside me but I forced myself not to feel it. I wouldn't let myself be hurt. "Tell me about this wedding then."

I didn't even bother to make my change of subject subtle, Mina eyed me for a moment knowing I was still trying to conceal something. Reluctantly she allowed the change of topic and began chattering away about Connors sister and her wedding.

Although I nodded my head along to her words my mind started to drift.

***

I glanced around the casino bar, there had to be someone suitable here, maybe an old lady in need of company, a man wishing for the child he'd never been able to have. Mom said I had to find someone to stay with, the problem was that the casino bar just wasn't the best place to find them.

"Looking for anyone?" I felt the voice before I heard it, the breath tickled the hairs on the back of my neck causing them to stand on end.

Slowly I spun around in my chair, my guard was already up, I wasn't in the mood for some pervy thirty year old man with a hefty beer belly and yellow teeth to be leering all over me. But when I came face to face with the alluring voice I was met with someone quite different.

His skin was the colour of caramel, his eyes a rich earthy brown and his black hair shaved right next his head. He had a harsh pointed jaw and high cheekbones that reached the point of almost making him look gaunt but not quite. His nose was long, almost too long and hooked but not quite. In the badly lit room his eyes seemed almost to emit a ferocious glow that was bordering on scary. They reminded me of the eyes I'd seen in animal documentaries. Of a lions eyes just before they pounced on their prey.

"I'm Jackson," he took my silence as an invite to introduce himself and pull back his thin lips to reveal a set of long white teeth that glittered under the flashing lights of the arcade games.

I knew it as well as I knew my own name, this boy was trouble.

I leaned in a little closer intoxicated by his presence, "I'm Cara."

***

"This is the one," Mina ran across the aisle to the vintage section of the store, her hands clasped around a pale, pale lilac dress made from lace, it's bodice was tight and it synched in around the waist before puffing out to just below the knee. It had a high neckline and a swish to it, each time she moved it the whole dress would rustle quietly.

"Are you sure?" I raised a dubious eyebrow, I wasn't sure it was better than half the choices I'd already suggested.

"Absolutely," Mina nodded with a slightly evil smile, "there's lots of fabric to work with which means that it's shop bought but I can make many alterations to it and still comply with Connors rules."

"You know what they say," I agreed with a smirk, "rules are made to be broken."

"Absolutely," Mina linked her arm with mine and gave a satisfied nod. "What would be the fun in playing by the rules?"

Indeed.