Ruin Me

59. Want me

I decided I was done being dramatic and it was time to go back inside when the light was nearly extinguished from the sky and darkness had crawled even further across the ground.

I'd probably only been outside twenty minutes or so but it felt like so much longer as my brain was flitting through a million thoughts a second. My whole body felt drained from the exhausting feeling of going through so many theories and questions, as if it was steadily sucking the life out of me. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball on my bed and sleep for a decade or two until I'd got all my energy back.

So I trudged inside, my mind was still made up that the boys weren't completely off the hook. Yes, I'd been slightly overdramatic but I wasn't going to let them think it was okay to baby me all the time and treat me like I was made of glass. I wasn't a piece of property for them to protect, I didn't want bubble wrap tied around me. I needed room to move and breath. I knew everything they did for me was out of the kindness of their hearts but they needed to learn the difference between helping someone to make the person feel better and helping them to make yourself feel better.

I had a whole soliloquy prepared in my mind which my lips mouthed the words to as I approached my bedroom door. I was so caught up in what I was going to say that I didn't process the voices coming from inside my bedroom until my hand was resting over the doorknob.

"But I still don't understand what she was doing on your lap?" Grey's raised voice made my hand freeze in position and my breath catch in my throat.

"I was just looking after her, you didn't see what she was like; trembling and shaking. You would've done the exact same thing," Mitch's tone wasn't defensive, it was definite. He didn't feel the need to defend himself, in his eyes the truth was black and white.

"Calm down Grey," Sawyer intervened as the voice of reason.

"I'm not un-calm," Grey snapped, "I just don't see why there was a need."

"Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing in my position," Mitch continued in his hard as steel voice.

"I ..," Grey was caught out there as he fumbled to find the right words.

I found myself pressing my ear closer and closer to the door in order not to miss a single word.

"I can't believe your arguing about this," Sawyer sounded like a disappointed father, "you never argue."

There was a heavy silence and I could feel the tension from outside as if it was seeping out from under the door. I could picture Mitch and Grey with locked eyes, neither willing to be the one to back down.

"I'm sorry mate," it was Grey who relented first, "I shouldn't have jumped down your throat like that. Your right, I would've done the exact same thing. I just ... it gets to me you know?"

"Course I do," Mitch allowed, "it gets to all of us when she so much as touches anyone else. You're not the only one."

"Mmm hmm," Sawyer let out a mumble of agreement.

Even though they couldn't see me I felt my cheeks flushing at their admittance of this.

"I know it's just you guys and I trust you but it still gets to me," Grey grunted and I knew him so well that I would've bet my life that he was running his hand through his hair in annoyance as he said it.

"Tell me about it," Mitch agreed heartily.

"Jealousy messes with your mind," Sawyer chipped in, always with a meaningful line.

"How'd you get it to stop?" Grey asked earnestly.

"If I knew I'd tell you," Mitch groaned, "I guess we just have to trust each other that none of us would go there."

"What if she wanted us to?" It surprised me that it was Sawyer who asked this. A silence fell as each of them tried to comprehend this.

"You mean if she liked one of us, would we be allowed?" Grey repeated slowly.

"Exactly, or would that be unfair on everyone else to watch them together?" Sawyer pondered.

"I don't know about you, but I don't think I could bear it," genuine honesty rang in Mitch's every word.

"So unless all of us have her, none of us can have her?" Grey concluded with a sense of finality.

"It's the only way that's fair," Sawyer decided.

"Speaking of Cara, where is she?" Mitch switched the conversation completely and I was thrown for a second by his sudden change in tone.

"She's been gone for a while now," Sawyer added and the sound of movement came from inside the room.

Quickly I leapt back from the doorway and faster than I'd ever moved I darted towards the end of the corridor to make it look like I'd just reached the top of the stairs. I knew there was still a guilty pink flush to my cheeks that I hoped wouldn't give me away.

Grey threw my bedroom door open just as I started making my way back down the corridor towards him.

"Cara!" My presence startled him and he also looked slightly flushed, with a guilty glint to his eye like a child who's done something they know they shouldn't.

"Sorry, I just went for a walk," I smiled trying to act casual and hoping he wouldn't pick up on my bad lying, "what are you still doing in my room?"

"Waiting for you," Grey shrugged flippantly.

"Well I'm back now," I smiled, "and I'm really really tired so I might call it a day."

"No worries, same," Grey nodded as Sawyer and Mitch joined him at the door.

"Sorry about earlier," I apologised to the three of them, "can we talk about it tomorrow?"

"Of course," Mitch replied sincerely, "I'm sorry too, I didn't mean to patronise you in any way."

"It's fine," my hand batted away his apology, I shifted past them to my room as they all stepped out my way in unison to let me pass, "night, I'll see you in the morning."

"Night," they all chorused.

As soon as my bedroom door shut all I could do was stare at it with wide uncomprehending eyes as I tried to understand what I'd just overheard.

They liked me? They actually liked me? They were jealous when I interacted with the others? They wanted to be with me?

Where did this leave me know? Where could I go from here?

It was too much to process at once, the only thing I could make my body do was walk over to my bed and face plant straight onto my pillow. I pressed my face right into it's comforting sheets and closed my eyes to try and quieten the noise continuing inside my head.

Hope you liked this chapter a lot of things revealed!! What do you think will happen now Cara knows the boys like her?
Thanks for reading and voting,

Alby
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