Ruin Me

57. Touch me

Touching, who knew it could be such a problem. A deep rooted, requires every ounce of self restraint kind of problem. But, touching wasn't a problem with everyone, I could hug Mina when I saw her or brush the Kings Bridge boys' arms when I passed them in the hallways or bash my leg against Bens when we lay next to each other on his bed reading magazines. Touching was only an issue when it came to the Silent Boys.

It seemed as if parts of our bodies were constantly colliding and brushing past each other, it was so distracting. All I could think about was how Mitch's fingers brushed against mine when he passed me a cup of coffee at breakfast or how Sawyer's leg would rest against mine in the car on the way to school or the way Nico loved to swing his arm round my shoulder and just let it rest there or Grey's arm that would ever so slightly swing past mine whenever we fell into step next to each other driving me insane. I was so in tune to them and their bodies that I swore I could feel electric shocks whenever they so much as breathed near me. My brain was so hyper wired to it that my whole head seemed to be becoming full of those thoughts leaving no room for anything else. 

It was odd because touching had never really bothered me before, with Jackson I'd loved it at first, the weight of his hand on the small of my back or the way he'd always lace his fingers through mine but soon I only felt oppressed by his touching. The hand on my back became heavy and dominating and the way he held my hand was tight and controlling, his touch only became another form of his manipulation. Now, it was different, their touches were exiting, they sent a buzz through me like a thousand tiny electric shocks. I wanted to constantly feel parts of them touching me, it was comforting. But slowly driving me crazy at the same time, their touches would never last long enough, they were too teasing.

I had to hide what I was feeling as well, I'd never had to do that before, pretending was the worst part. I had to act like my whole brain wasn't completely focused on how one of their little fingers was just barely touching mine as they rested next to each other on the table. Instead I had to keep talking and laughing and distracting my mind from the overwhelming urge to link our hands together. How was I meant to explain to them what I was feeling? It would ruin everything, it already was. It would make our effortless banter uncomfortable and our friendly repertoire awkward, if I told them the way I craved their touch. All of their touches, that was the worst part, it wasn't just one of them whose touch I was so attentive to, it was all four of them. Four different bodies to concentrate on.

I needed to get it together, this wasn't okay this constant obsession, it wasn't going to result in anything good, it was only going to get worse and worse.

***

"Budge over you're taking up all the room," Mitch elbowed me lightly in the side but I was wedged so tightly between him and Sawyer I had nowhere to move but into Sawyer so I was completely pressed against him.

"Hey, you've got so much space," I tried to push back, as Mitch clearly had at least a foot of room on his other side but trying to push Mitch was like trying to move a brick wall, there was no way I was strong enough to shift him even an inch.

"Oi I'm trying to work here," Sawyer complained but he was grinning as he continued with his maths homework that looked like a whole different language to me, all a mass of numbers and complicated symbols.

"So am I, but I can hardly breathe I'm so squashed," I huffed giving up my futile attempt to move Mitch and returning to my History homework in my tiny spot between them. Their bodies were completely pressed up against either side of me as we all worked alongside one another. Grey had one-on-one swimming training and Nico had extra science tutoring because he was so advanced, so it was just the three of us working on my bedroom floor today. And the boys had chosen to work as close to me as possible, it was almost as if they were choosing to taunt me on purpose. Had all of them planned to drive me crazy together? If so, it was working.

"Stop whining," Mitch rolled his eyes playfully.

I stuck my tongue out at him but that only made him let out a one syllable chuckle at me. Had he always looked that attractive when he smiled?

BANG!

The sound was so sudden and so loud that it seemed to ricochet inside my head and vibrate through me. It ripped through my body making me flinch and curl into myself protectively. As I closed my eyes as if to protect myself from the harshness of the noise all I could see was the end of a gun pointing straight at my head. The sound of a gun shot rang over and over bouncing off the inside of my skull.

"Cara," there was a hand warming my arm and a comforting voice in my ear. Sawyer's hands were resting on my trembling body and Mitch's arm was snaked under my head protecting it from hitting the floor as I trembled at the flashback still present behind my eyes.

"It's okay, we're here," Mitch soothed bringing my head up, they both moved in perfect synchronisation with me, as if we were just three extensions of the same being. He shifted me so I was cradled in his lap with his arms wrapped around me and my body pressed tightly to his chest.

"I'm fine," I insisted now that I'd got a hold of myself, my cheeks instantly flushed with humiliation at how a mere loud noise had effected me so much.

"Stop acting tough," Sawyer instructed not unkindly.

"Honestly, it was just the shock," I added more force to my voice to make them take me seriously.

"Whatever," Mitch dismissed resting his chin on top of my hair and squeezing me even closer to him if that was possible.

Then the door swung open and Grey came strolling in in his usual lazy swagger with his hair still damp and hanging over his forehead sending tiny water droplets onto his untucked shirt.

His brow furrowed as he surveyed the scene of me in Mitch's arms with Sawyer crouched protectively by our side and something dark that I couldn't place filled his eyes;

"What the hells going on here?" He demanded a harsh edge to his voice.