Ruin Me

49. Promise me

I awoke among Mina's bright walls feeling awful, like I'd barely slept at all, my mind was so full of whirring and spinning thoughts that kept going round and round driving me crazy. I couldn't concentrate on any one thought, images just kept flashing through my mind; my moms face reflecting in our hotel mirror with her bright red lips pursed, Grey on his motorbike, Nico with his head thrown back and fireworks exploding above sending light onto his face, mom's lipstick was now dripping in a fateful, bloody red from her lips, Sawyers fingers lightly running their way along piano keys, Mitch's hand wrapped around mine and then finally the crack of a gun shot. Every image and sound revolved around my mind, slowly driving me crazy, it felt relentless and I had no idea how to sort out each thought from the chaos.

Mom would've known what to do, she would've sat me in front of a mirror and pulled my hair back from my face and tugged my shoulders up. She would've pinched my chin between her fingers and looked me dead in the eyes. She would've told me straight what to do and she would've reassured me but at the same time chided me for being so pathetic. She wasn't here to do that now though. I would have to learn to deal with this without her, all the problems she'd caused that I now had to bare the weight of. I hated her for doing this to me, but at the same time I missed her. I missed her so fucking much that I couldn't even blame her for getting me in this state.

Mina was still asleep beside me but I couldn't lie in her bed any longer, I needed to get up and do something so I climbed out of her bed and yanked on my clothes over my pyjamas. I left a note on a piece of paper beside Mina and left. Most of me felt bad for leaving so abruptly but I knew Mina would understand, she always did.

Once outside her house I rang Grey, I couldn't think of anyone else to call. He answered promptly as I suspected he would.

"Sleeping well I see?"

"What do you want Collins, I've awoken for my nonexistent slumber for you," Grey mumbled trying to sound like he'd just woken up.

"Could you pick me up please?" I felt like a child begging their parent to pick them up from a sleepover in the middle of the night when they were scared.

"Of course, just tell me where."

Twenty minutes later Grey appeared in his car and I was secretly glad he hadn't brought his motorbike cause I don't think I could've stomached that this morning. I was perched on Mina's garden wall thinking about nothing but everything at the same time and couldn't help but smile when I saw him. I was beyond glad to see him and was practically beaming by the time I clambered into his car.

"Want to talk about why I'm picking you up at 7:30?" He prompted cutting straight to the point.

"No," I shook my head, swinging my feet onto the dashboard and closing my eyes. End of discussion.

I was thankful that Grey understood my need to have silence and be alone when we arrived back at Kings Bridge as he let me slip back into my room without prompting anymore conversation.

As I shut my bedroom door I immediately pressed my back into it and sunk to the floor. My head fell into my hands as my fingers curled themselves tightly into my hair. It was too much. Everything was too much.

Subconsciously I reached for my phone and my fingers clumsily found their way to the text.

I'm watching you.