Ruin Me

42. Tell me

After Sawyer's piano lesson we both headed down to the Dining Hall when my stomach began to grumble embarrassingly. We chatted effortlessly about music and artists we liked;

"You should listen to some classical music," he encouraged, I felt my eyes rolling before he even finished, "what was that for?"

"Everyone knows classical is boring," I stated flipping my hands up at the obviousness of this.

"Then you have been listening to all the wrong music," Sawyer shook his head, "the good pieces aren't boring at all, they're amazing and poetic and romantic." I could've sworn I saw the tops of his cheeks tint red at the last one.

"I'll just take your word for it," I shrugged.

"No, you have to listen," Sawyer decided.

"Do I get a choice in this?" I complained.

"Nope," Sawyer grinned, "I'll give you the CD's, all you have to do is listen."

"Fine," I conceded, I was acting that I cared more than I actually did. In reality I was flattered Sawyer wanted to do this for me and that he cared enough to do it.

"I bet you'd actually like them if you stopped being so stubborn," Sawyer smirked and I aimed an elbow to his side which he grimaced at probably due to the fact I have extremely bony elbows.

At the entrance to the Dining Hall Sawyer opened the door for me and I couldn't help but smile thankfully at him as we entered side by side. My first stop was the food counter because I was starving and I immediately loaded my plate up with toast and a croissant.

"Got enough?" Sawyer asked sarcastically eyeing my loaded plate.

"I'm hungry," I countered protectively.

As I spun around in exaggerated indigence I noticed the Silent Boys table was empty but a couple of tables over was Ben sitting alone as he read a comic and scooped cereal into his mouth.

"Do you mind if I go and join Ben?" I asked, "I haven't seen him in forever, he must have got back early this morning."

"Of course Cara," Sawyer looked surprised and slightly concerned, "you don't have to ask my permission."

"Oh, yeah," I stumbled trying to pass it off as nothing. I made my exit quickly, but Sawyer had caught me slipping into the old habits I'd had with Jackson.

I had always had to ask Jacksons permission when we were together and tell him wherever I was going or he'd get mad and violence would follow. At the beginning I'd loved this, I thought it showed how much he cared about me. I'd never had someone love me so much they wanted to know where I was every minute of the day. I loved my mom and she tried her best to be a good mom but she was always so tied up in her own troubles she rarely had time for me. She let me be free which I enjoyed but I thought what Jackson was giving me was real unconditional love. Until it started to get wearing, I got tired of always having to update him even when I made the slightest of moves. I grew irritated at his oppression, his anger no longer scared me but exhausted me. I was too tired to feel the sadness I'd once felt when he was violent towards me, instead indifference was all my exhausted limbs could manage. Jackson took the life out of me and I was still struggling with how to get it back.

"My favourite Collins!" Ben cried as I approached his table, he grinned so widely and warmly I couldn't help but grin back as I pushed all thoughts of Jackson to the dark recess in the back of my mind where I kept them out of the way.

"And how many Collins's do you know?" I smirked as I flopped into the seat opposite him.

"Several actually," Ben teased, "so you should be honoured."