random thoughts & scrawls

05.22.16

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I never ever wanted to hurt you, and knowing I did absolutely kills me. You're my everything, and without you, I'm nothing... I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry for every single time I did it, even when I told myself it was protecting you more than hurting you. I'd do anything for you, to make you happy. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that most of what I did upset you more than anything else... But I'll stop. I can change. I will, for you. I'll stop lying, I promise I won't ever do it again. I quit... I don't care about anything but you. I love you so, so much; and the thought of being without you physically hurts me. I thought this break would be good for us, but I've been dying this entire time. I'm sorry it took me this long to send you a message, but I didn't think you would want to talk to me. To be honest, I was trying to wait until Monday to tell you all this... But I can't wait any longer. I want you to know that I'd do anything to make you happy. And I mean anything... To tell you the truth, I don't believe I deserve you... Or anything, for that matter... And I don't blame you if you never want to speak another word to me, I... I just wanted you to know all this. I'm sorry I rambled here, and I'm sorry I lied, and I'm so so sorry I hurt you... You deserve so much better than me. I'm sorry it took me this long to apologize for everything. On the bright side, we only have two and a half school days, so you don't have to deal with seeing me for very long, that is if you decide you never want to talk again. I don't know why I always fuck things up like this, but I really am sorry... and I really hope you can forgive me, but if you can't, I understand. I love you. So, so much.