random thoughts & scrawls

06.24.17

Hi.

I haven't written in awhile & I guess it's because I'm trying to do more thinking and reality checking than jotting down daydreams.

But maybe that's a mistake.

Maybe I should be writing down every trivial thing that pops into my head because maybe, just maybe, that trivial something will grow into something a little more tangible.

And maybe that tangible something will grow into something bigger than I can even fathom.

Maybe all these hours of self-care and music-filled ears will drown out the hatred that has grown on my back like cannibalistic vines, eating away at every last cell in my body.

I'm learning to be better.

To not be so dependent on others.

I've gone places on my own, and instead of imagining a future in someone's arms, I'm simply imagining a future where I am content and love myself.

It all comes back to this little white house, with roses on the windowsill; and it always smells nice, like a candle has been lit for hours, or there are freshly baked goods; and I'll wake up every morning with a smile on my face; and I can stretch and drink my cup of joe and know that everything that I went through got me here. It got me to a place of safety, of happiness, and of love.

And if someone is there with me, that's lovely, too.