Pretty Hurts. •Jaegan•

•sixteen•

(Hey y'all, I changed the summery thingy. It's different now. Also if your curious of what I look like, there I am. -picture at the top- and if you want to ask me question, and get to know me, feel free, I'll answer them in the next chapter, okay?)

Justin's pov.

I felt numb, cold, frozen, but hot, and like time was moving really fast. I couldn't move, but all I did was shake, and collapse to the ground. I felt like I just got my heart got ripped out of my chest. Everything hurt. I knew I was sobbing, shaking, and I didn't know what to do. At this point, I wanted to curl into a ball and die. My mom, was everything, she was always there, she knew how to make me feel better. How to make me happy, what was best for me. And she's gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Or that I love her.

The officers left, saying 'sorry for your loss'. I managed to nod. I didn't know what to do. How do I handle this? I don't know how to handle this!? I felt someone pick me up, and take me somewhere. I didn't really care, I just cried, I cried and I cried. Eventually I cried so much, that I cried myself to sleep...

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When I woke up, I prayed that all that, would've been a dream. But when I felt my wet pillow and looked in my mirror. I knew it wasn't. I wanted to curl into a ball and cry all day, I didn't want to go to school. But I had too. No matter what happens. So I got up, got dressed into black jeans I found on my floor. A random shirt, a binder, and said 'fuck it'. My hair? I grabbed a pink beanie and put it on. I nodded in approval, I looked like a mess, I felt like a mess. I felt numb. I felt like nothing at all. I had this emotionless face on. I felt like nothing, but at the same time, I felt like everything. I was a mess.

I sighed and walked down stairs, grabbing my bag and making my way out the door. I pulled out my phone and headphones, deciding to block out everything with music. Music is a great escape. Not only does it explain my emotions, it feels them. Music is really powerful. I put on some Eminem, because he's amazing, and he's music, or raps, were really emotional. Really deep.

I continued walking to school, emotionless. I got to school, emotionless. I walked to my locker, emotionless. I walked to class, emotionless. Everything I did, was emotionless. I couldn't hide the fact, that something was wrong. I couldn't hide, that I had just cried myself to sleep. I couldn't hide the fact, that my mom was dead... I couldn't. I noticed Jack and Raegan, in class today. The looked at me and smiled. I couldn't stand sitting by them, in the back. So I sat up in the front. Ignoring they're confused looks.

I still didn't know what happened to Raegan, yesterday. Why he wasn't here. Or why Kale, or Ryan, or Trent, wasn't here. I'll have to ask. At lunch. Not now. The teacher, told us to study, and I did. Most of the kids, didn't care. I did. I know my mom, would want me to try, and get good grades. I know she'd be proud...

After Math, I went to English, again ignoring Jack and Raegan. They tried to talk to me, but I just didn't speak. They gave up trying to talk to me. After English I went to Chem and bio, which I only had with Raegan. It was a boring class, then the bell rang.

"Justin, wait!" I heard Raegan call, as I exited the science lab to go to lunch.

"What Rae?" I sighed.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Everything." My voice cracked as I spoke.

"What do you mean?" He questioned confused.

"Yesterday, you weren't here, I didn't know where you were. Do you know how worried I was? How many thoughts ran through my head? I was clueless! Where were you? I don't want excuses, I want the truth." I told him.

"I relapsed, okay? Something happened, and the drugs were so close, it just happened so fast. I'm sorry." He explained.

"So you got high? Rae, I told you to come to me, if you ever felt like that, why didn't you come to me?" I asked.

"Because you wouldn't understand." He told me. I wouldn't understand? Me? Does he realize who he's talking to? Me? The broken boy?

"And why wouldn't I understand? Do you even know what I've been through? How much pain I've been in?" I exclaimed sadly.

"Yes, but-." He tried to explain.

"No, Raegan, don't. You don't know what happened, yesterday, I got horrible news, and I'm surprised I didn't relapse." I told him.

"What news?" Raegan asked.

"That my mom, got in a crash, and she didn't make it." I trailed off, sadly, all the emotions coming back. And I felt the pain once again.

"It hurts Rae, it hurts so bad." I sobbed as I fell into in his arms.

"Let's blow off class, and go to your house. Your in no shape to even be here. Let's get you home." He told me, and picked me up bridal style, and carried me through the crowd. People looked, but I just clung onto Raegan.

"Here." Raegan said as he placed me in his car. I grew tired. I didn't want this. I didn't want to be in pain anymore. I hate being in this constant pain.

"I love you." Raegan whispered, and I fell asleep.

(A/n: the feels, I cried while writing this, so whoops. Comment any questions, or just comment, share, and vote. All that fun jazz.)