Pretty Hurts. •Jaegan•

•Three•

Trigger warning: If you don't like the topic or self harm I suggest you skip to the ---- part, just suggesting, if your uncomfortable reading about it, but throughout this whole chapter it's mentioned. But it's a warning.

Justin's pov.

After I hung out with Jack, my mom texted me I had to go home, so I said bye to Jack and walked home. Me and Jack exchanged numbers also. Today was better then yesterday, besides the beating I got. I had forgotten about that. I got home and said hi to my mom. She asked if I was hungry, but I said no and walked upstairs. I sat on my bed and just thought.

Was I really a freak? A idiot? Worthless? Stupid? Fat? A mistake? Ugly?

I walked to the bathroom and took off my shirt. I looked at my stomach. Fat. I looked at myself. Ugly. I started crying and I fell to the floor. A whole lot of things went through my mind.

Your a disgrace. A freak. Kill yourself. Your worthless anyways. A mistake. You don't belong here. No one needs you. No one loves you. No one wants you.

I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed a razor and violently smashed it on the ground. The blades broke out and little pieces of plastic scattered the ground. I collected the blades, there were four, I took one of them and held it to my wrist. I pushed down and slide it across fast. Blood poured out. I did more. It hurt but it was a good kind of hurt. Blood covered my wrist. The cuts were deep, but they were fine. I knew this would be a painful tomorrow but oh well.

The blood was on the floor so I clean my wrist and bandaged it. Then cleaned the floor with a clean wash cloth that happened to be in the wash room. I held my wrist to my arm to my chest and walked to my room, blades in hand. Thankfully my mom didn't see me. I still have two and a half days till Danny comes home. I sigh. I lay on my bed, set my alarm for tomorrow and went to bed. There's nothing else to do anyways. I pulled the covers over my small frame and snuggle into them.

-----

I woke up to my annoying alarm. I moved my arm to shut it off, but I flinched with pain. Fuck I forgot. How am I going to hide this? Sweater? Bracelets? Shit. I didn't think about this. I got up and decided on a sweater so I grabbed a sweater, some black jeans, a binder, with boxers, and of course a shirt to go under my sweater. I walked to the bathroom and grabbed a towel on the way.

When I stripped I looked in the mirror again. I noticed all my flaws and insecurities. I hated being trapped in a body that wasn't mine. It's horrible. I sighed and took off the bandages. I looked at each of them. I didn't realize I did that many. Shit these are going to leave scars... Shit. Oh well. I turned on the water and hopped in. The water stung my cuts but it was fine. I did everything normal that I normally did and got out. I dried and dressed myself. I did my hair. And I put on a fake smile.

I walked down stairs and saw my mom left for work early. I grabbed my keys and walked out the door with my back pack slung over my shoulder. I get in my car and toss my back pack to the passenger seat. I start my car and drive to school. I lived in Minnesota with my dad but he's on a business trip for a couple months, so till then I'm living with my mom and Danny. And they live in Maryland. It's quite far but we make it work. Danny is very known for his cosplaying which I think is very cool. I mean he transforms from one character to another. He's normally away for long periods of time, for anime conventions, or in LA, for modelling. He got partnered with hot topic and he now models most of the anime collection they have there. He's cool. But he's never really home anymore, only for little periods of time. He graduated from school last year. I know, he got the brains and good looks. But we, together as twins, both suffering from mental illnesses.