Fighting Feelings

6

Nadia

I put my hand out the car window whilst Caleb was driving and I ran my fingers through the warm air in the sky.

We collected the boys from Aunt Doreen's house. Caleb had wanted to take them out since he wanted to spend as much time as possible with them. However, they were in the back seats having a little squabble.

"Caleb... Joseph won't give me the phone! He's been on it for hours!" Jacob moans.

Did I forget to mention that these twins were adorably annoying?
One second Jacob would be moaning about something and then the next Joseph would be insisting to have something. They were a piece of work.

"We haven't even been in the car for an hour... Joseph after five more minutes I want you to give the phone to Jacob alright?" He settled whilst I just watched the predicament.

"That's not fair!" Joseph yelps.

"Would you prefer I take it from you now?" Caleb questions and I smiled at his good techniques. He would be an excellent father someday.

"No no five more minutes," Joseph mumbles.

All of a sudden I hear one of my favourite songs play and it was coming from the radio.

"I love this song! Turn it up!" I say smiling and he gives me the are you serious look.

"Really? No scrubs, I had more faith in your music taste," he chuckles as I start singing along.

"How dare you, this song is meant for any independent woman out there," I say placing my hand on my chest phasing hurt.

"Quite the stereotype that's all," he comments whilst I roll my eyes and sing along.

"You're really good, how did I not know that you could sing like this?" He inquires with his in eyes in awe.

"Possibly because when we were young we barely spoke let alone you listening to me sing," I laugh.

"Well I'm happy we speak now.... you're a good friend Nads," he smiles and I smile back feeling warmth within me.

"I don't want no scrub... a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me!" I felt his eyes bore into me as I sang along and he just laughs.

"Okay what's so funny?" I ask.

"Nothing! Nothing.... I just like seeing you like this," he smiles at me.

"Like what?"

"Happy," I return the smile and I stop the urge of holding his hand because that would mean that the return of these feelings would be real and they couldn't be real.

"Get a room," Jacob chirps.

"Barf," Joseph moans.

"Kids these days," I mutter before both Caleb and I laugh.

Once we got to the beach we made a fire with the twigs and called the others over. We all sat by the warmth with Pamela and Devonte hugging in one corner whilst Debbie, Trey and Marcel were playing a game with the boys and then there was Caleb and I.

"You wanna go for a walk?" He asks standing up whilst reaching his hand out. I looked him in the eye before grabbing his hand and walking down the beach with him.

"You know our families have known each other for a long time now but I get the feeling that I don't know that much about you," he says.

"Well it depends on what you want to know?" I ask him.

"Alright question one why haven't you got a man? You're a beautiful girl and..." I cut him short before he can continue.

"Maybe because the right guy hasn't come to me yet, our society forces us to be in a relationship just for the sake of it.... well I'm not going to get pushed into one with someone I don't like," I state.

He chuckles.

"We actually agree on something," he tells me.

"What you don't do girlfriends just one night stands," I say.

"It's easier," he states making me roll my eyes.

"Well as long as the girl knows that she's a fling but if you're one of those guys that promise the girl the world before sleeping with her and then..." Now it was his turn to cut me off.

"I'm not like that, my life it's not the type of life that you involve girls in," he says and I look at him quizzically .

"So where does that leave me because last time I checked I was a girl and I would've liked to classify us as friends," I say whilst my conscious tells me I want more but I push that idea to the back of my mind.

"Yeah we are when I said involve a girl I meant as in romantically,"

I nod in understanding.

"I mean Stephanie she's been on my case for a while but I don't want to hurt her feelings," Stephanie was a girl in our school who was known for getting around and while she was gorgeous she did have a tendency to get defensive and very bitchy.

"Well it all depends if you have feelings for her?" I ask back not realising I was holding my breath.

"Oh no no I don't but I'm scared that one day when I do get those feelings for real how am I going to stay away," he shrugs.

"What is so bad about your life that you can't let anyone in?" I ask intrigued.

"I just got some stuff going on that I need to sort out before I put myself in more trouble,"

"Yeah I hear that,"

We walked in a comfortable silence and I couldn't help myself but steal small glances at him.

"Alright I'm just going to say it Caleb, we have to talk about the kiss," I say even though I am wincing whilst saying it.

"What kiss?" He asks back playing stupid trying to look away.

"Look at me, look at me Caleb we're grown people we can talk about this without having to make it a thing," I say actually being the adult for once.

"You're the one making it a thing, I was happy and calm all until you had to bring it up," he says scratching the back of his neck showing me this was becoming uncomfortable.

"I'm not making it a thing I just wanted to talk about it to clear the air," I sigh.

"Listen Nadia we kissed because your a female and I'm a male and I kiss many females that's it," he snaps and that's when I sort of slightly lost my shit.

"You're so scared of letting someone in that you haven't even thought of the possibility that maybe a girl doesn't want to be let in because maybe she's scared too," I snap back and walk away but I stop for a second before saying "And don't you ever compare me to the females you hook up with," and then I continue to walk away leaving him all alone and bewildered.