Mentors - A Joshler Fic

Chapter 5

I have an older brother named Zack who's nineteen years old. When we were little Zack and I were really close, I idolized my big brother and always wanted to do everything he did. He was an amazing big brother, he never got mad at me for constantly following him around and doing what he did. When our mother died, he took it really hard, we all did but it really broke him. He got into drugs and not just pot but harder stuff like cocaine and heroin.

I didn't know where he was half of the time, he would show up at home once in a while crying about how he needed money. I would give him money that I stole from our dad. I couldn't say no to my big brother. He wasn't as nice as he used to be either. He would yell at me sometimes and call me names if I couldn't get money. He'd never been physically abusive though before last night.

I'd gotten home from school last night and my dad was gone, probably at the bar drinking with his buddies. I wouldn't see him for a while which was something to be grateful for. I went up to my room and was sitting on my bed writing like I usually did when I heard the door slam downstairs. I got up and went downstairs to see who it was though it didn't take much to guess that it was Zack. I went downstairs to find him plopped down in a recliner in the living room smoking a cigarette, eerily reminding me of our father. "Hi Zack."

I took in his gaunt face and skinny frame and his yellowing teeth with a feelings of complete helplessness. My brother was wasting away in front of my eyes. "Hey fuckwad."

My face visibly drooped when he spoke to me like this because everyone else spoke to me like this but my brother wasn't supposed to. "Aw, did upset you little queer boy. God dammit grow a pair or you'll never make it through life. Did you get any cash for me?"

I shook my head no, I hadn't dad had left and taken his wallet with him. "What the fuck, you were supposed to get me the money."

"I-I couldn't, dad was gone when I got home and he took his wallet with him."

He stood up from the chair, his cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth and slowly approached me. I stood there frozen in place, unable to look my brother in the eyes because he scared me. He stopped less than an inch from my face, close enough for me to smell booze on his breath.

"You really are fucking useless." He told me spitting in my face.

I couldn't hold back the tear that slipped from my eye and fell down my face. The next thing I knew I was on the floor clutching my face where he had struck me. He gave me a swift kick in the stomach for good measure and stepped over my body and left. I lay on the ground crying silent tears.

******

I sat waiting in Josh's car wondering what I was doing here, did he expect me to spill my guts to him? I wasn't going to do that, I would go there for thirty minutes to get him off my back. I saw him burst out of the front door of the school and start jogging towards the car that I was in. He opened the driver's side door and slid easily into the car. I handed him his keys and as he reached to grab them from my hand his hand brushed mine. But a second later the keys were gone and my hand was back on my lap.

We drove to his house in relative silence, it was a short drive as he only lived about ten minutes from the school and traffic was light. His was a blue ranch style house, with a big landscaped front lawn. He got out of the car and I followed his lead and he motioned for me to follow him into the house. "My parents are still at work so we have the house to ourselves. Would you like anything to drink?" He asked as he lead me through the kitchen. I shook my head and declined a drink and followed him into the living room. We sat down on a plush brown leather sofa that I sunk into. He laughed at me as I sank into the couch.

His laugh was infectious and I let out a shy little giggle and found that it eased some of the tension I was feeling. "So you wanna watch a movie or something?" I nodded thinking that anything besides talking about feelings was agreeable. He got up from the couch and walked across the room to a shelf full of movies and picked out a few and brought them back over to me. "Which one do you want to watch?" I looked at the selection he'd given me and held out "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" which was one of my favorites. "Great choice, I love this one."

He put the movie in and we settled in on opposite sides of the couch to watch it. I leaned against the side of the couch and found myself overwhelmed by exhaustion remembering the fitful night of sleep from the night before. I fell asleep on Josh's couch, and I awoke to Josh shaking me awake. I sat up and looked around and saw that it was dark outside. "What time is it?"

"Just after five, I'm sorry if you're late but I let you sleep cause you looked like you could use it."

"No it's fine," I said groggily. Josh moved over closer to me where I sat on the couch.

"Tyler. Where did that bruise on your face come from?"

I looked down on my lap, not wanting to sell my brother out, because no matter how much my brother had hurt me I couldn't bring myself to hate him for what he'd done to me. "My brother hit me last night, but it's okay I'm fine."

"If you're fine then why were you crying this morning?"

"Because I hate my life," I said breaking down in tears. "My brother hit me and I miss him, I miss when he was nice to me and yet I still love him even though he hurts me and does drugs. Not one person in the entire world loves me. I feel so alone. I don't see any point to living and I'm going to kill myself someday, I just have to work up the courage."

Josh reached over and pulled me into his arms and I collapsed against him, almost forgetting this was the boy I had a huge crush on and instead regarded it as a hug from someone who cared. He was obligated to invite me into his home and hold me while I cried but he was doing it. He was an amazing person, I didn't deserve to know such an amazing person.

"Please don't kill yourself Tyler, things are bad now but all situations are temporary. Things will change eventually and even though it's hard you have me now. I'll be here for you." I pulled away from him and saw that his brown eyes were moist with tears as well. I'm sure I looked like a mess, my eyes always got puffy and red when I cried. I looked down on the floor to see his cat sitting there staring at us. "Hey Wolfgang," Josh said smiling down at his cat. "Tyler this is Noah, Noah this is Tyler."

I giggled softly at his goofy introduction of me to his cat. "Hi Noah." I said quietly waving at the cat. He jumped up onto the couch between me and Josh and rubbed his face against mine.

"He likes you," Josh said smiling. "Noah is a very good judge of character and if you've passed his test then its official we can be friends. Noah has to approve all my friendships." I giggled at Josh's antics and gave Noah and pet on the head making him purr. I smiled at the cute calico cat.

"You should smile more Tyler, you're cute when you smile." I'm cute when I smile?