Mentors - A Joshler Fic

Chapter 13

I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom and avoided meeting my eyes. I patted down my hair and straightened out my shirt. It was the nicest shirt I owned, it was a plain white button up, and I wore a thin back tie that had been my brother’s, and a nicer pair of dark skinny jeans that didn’t have any holes in them. I hoped it was nice enough, I wanted to make a good impression on Josh’s parents, they may not know that I was Josh’s boyfriend but I desperately wanted them to like me. I was afraid that if they didn’t like me then Josh was break up with me.

I felt nervous, my palms were a little sweaty, the urge to cut was intense but I didn’t have time, Josh was coming to pick me up in ten minutes. I sighed and wiped my sweaty palms on my pant legs. Josh had told me countless times that his parents would love me, but I knew I had the ability to fuck it up in some way. I sank to the floor, panicking at the thought of fucking it up and losing Josh. If I lost Josh I would be all alone again, just like before. Except before I had never known the joy of friendship so I didn’t miss it. But I knew what real happiness was now and if I lost him then I would break, I knew I would finally fall away -- completely.

I clutched my face in my hands, hyperventilating as silent tears streamed down my face. God I felt like such a fuck up. I hated myself. I ruined everything. I deserved to die. I sure as hell didn’t deserve Josh. I should just kill myself and save him the trouble of having to deal with me any longer. I couldn’t go to Thanksgiving at his house, I needed to go find some pills. I needed to fall away.

Great heaving sobs racked my body, and I sat there crying and ignored the sound of knocking on the door. I was crying so hard that I didn’t notice the sound of footsteps on the stairs. I didn’t even see him standing there, I just felt a pair of arms wrap around me and I collapsed into them. “Ty, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry Josh, I can’t go to dinner. I don’t want your parents to hate me, and they will and then you’ll break up with me, and I don’t want to be all alone again, because I love you and losing you would kill me, and I’m sorry for being such a fuck up.”

“Ty...you love me?”

I froze in place, the words had just slipped out, I didn’t mean to say that. I did love him, but I didn’t mean to tell him. He probably didn’t feel the same way and I had just freaked him out. I didn’t speak. “Tyler, I love you too, so much. Tyler, look at me.” He said pulling my face up to meet his, he wiped a tear from my cheek.

“Tyler, first I love you and I sure as hell am not going to break up with you. Second, my parents are going to love you, you know why? Because your amazingly sweet and kind and have a smile that lights up a room. You make me happy and I want you to meet them. Third, you are the most amazing person I know, you’ve been through so much shit and somehow you’re still this amazing, kind, beautiful, human being. You’re strength is incredible.”

“I don’t deserve you,” I said feeling incredulous at the words he spoke to me.

“You’re right. You deserve much more than just me. You deserve the entire world, but if you’ll take me, then I’d be the luckiest man in the world.”

“I love you Josh,” I told him beginning to tear up again.

“Hey hey, no more tears babe, we’ve got to get to dinner,” he said before leaning to down to kiss the tears off my face. He stood up and pulled me up along with him, I grabbed a towel and wiped off my face. “Damn, my boyfriend cleans up well. You might have to lose the tie though.”

“Why.”

“Because you look so fucking sexy in it, I don’t know if I can control myself around my parents.”

I blushed at his words and took in what he was wearing. He had on a light blue button up shirt and a darker blue bow tie, and of course he wore a snap back backwards on his head, he had a hat for every occasion. “I could say the same about you in that bowtie,” I said biting my lip and smiling up at him.

“Aw fuck, we should probably go before we start something that will delay us too long.” He grabbed my hand in his and we walked downstairs and out to his car and then we were off to his house for Thanksgiving dinner. I felt better now, still uneasy but better, all due to the fact the my hand rested in Josh’s and I felt safe.