Mentors - A Joshler Fic

Chapter 9

Tyler's P.O.V.

It must have been well past midnight, I didn’t have a clock to look at though. I lie awake on my bed thinking about Josh. More specifically the fact that whatever we were doing was really confusing to me. I knew he had a girlfriend and yet he was kissing me, not to complain because I really really liked kissing him. But he was cheating on his girlfriend with me, and while I didn’t consider myself to be one of terribly high morals it felt wrong. I toiled with the thought in my mind. I could stop Josh from kissing me, especially if he was just going through some experimental phase then he would dump me at the first opportunity.

But he made me really happy. He was nice to me in a way no one had ever been before and in the back of my mind I knew he wasn’t just using me to experiment because he wouldn’t do that. Joshua Dun was too nice to even think of doing something like that. But it still didn’t sit well me and I sat up frustrated and upset with myself. I got up from the bed and went to my dresser and pulled out my razor blades from where they were hidden among my socks.

I needed to make the thoughts go away, the bad thoughts were coming again and I knew of the way to get rid of them. I looked down at the sharp metal objects in my hands and stared at them for a moment. Thinking of the countless times before that they had sunken into my skin and caused me pain, but at the same time making me feel better. It was fucked up I knew that but then again, I was the definition of fucked up in every sense of the word.

I clutched the blades in my hand, the cold metal pressing against my flesh. I carried them to the bathroom right down the hall and stood in front of the sink. I avoided meeting my gaze in the mirror hanging above the sink, I didn’t like looking at my face. I set one of the blades down on the sink, keeping the bigger of the two in my hand. I pushed up the shirt sleeve of my left arm all the way up to my elbow revealing exactly three faded lines.

I didn’t cut my arms that much, preferring to do it on my thighs because they were easier to hide. But both of my thighs were extremely cut up and I needed more clear skin to cut. I ran my cold, bony fingers across the pre-existing scars on my arms and shivered at my cold touch. The blade would be colder. And sharper.

I sucked in a shaky breath, and raised the blade in my hand and pressed it against my flesh, gently at first. Then I began to apply pressure to the blade pressing it into my skin until it broke flesh and blood rose to the surface. I held my arm over the sink and watched the blood run down my arm and into the sink where it washed down the drain. I held onto my now bloody razor and moved it to a new place on my arm and this time wasted no time in cutting into my skin and breaking it open.

I watched the two open wounds on my arms bleed for a long time, in a blissful mind numbing trance as I did so. The only thing on my mind in that moment was the feeling of pain, all the bad thoughts disappeared and I was happy. Eventually I snapped out of it and ran water over my new scars until the blood stopped and I pulled my sleeve down and back to bed. I fell asleep with the slight sting of pain still emanating from my arm.

******

I awoke the next morning and ventured quietly downstairs and made it to the kitchen undetected and got a drink of water from the sink. I then peeked into the living and saw that my dad was passed out in his usual spot. His wallet was sitting on the table beside his chair, I eyed it for a moment and listened to make sure he was snoring. If he was snoring then I knew he was in a deep enough sleep that I could go in there and not wake him.

I crept around the doorway and into the living room, the TV was on and blaring some early morning news show. I silently made my way over to the table and picked up his wallet and made quick work of looking inside and grabbing ten dollars out of it. He never noticed when I took money, probably because he was drunk most of the time, either way I was thankful. I pocketed the money and ran back upstairs to my room.

I passed away the first part of the day upstairs in my room writing in my notebook. Until I heard a knock on the door, I figured my dad was probably still passed out and wouldn’t hear it so I went downstairs to answer it. I saw Josh standing outside my door and I nervously pushed down my long sleeves making sure my arms were covered.

“Hey Josh,” I said stepping outside on the porch with him and shutting the door behind me as to not alert my father.

“Hey Ty, why’d you come out here?”

“Oh um my dad’s asleep, I don’t want to wake him.”

“Oh okay, um I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies with me today at three o’clock.”

“Oh um well, I don’t think I can, I don’t really have any money,” I told him biting my lip nervously because I felt bad admitting the truth to him.

“Don’t worry about the money, I’ll pay for you.”

“Look Josh, I don’t think I can go with you. I don’t know what we’re doing but whatever it is it has to stop because you can’t kiss me while you're dating Debby.”

He got a look on his face when I said her name, and it looked guilty but then he smiled. “I know it was wrong, and it wasn’t fair to either of you. So last night I broke up with Debby. For you. I want you. I want to know if you’ll be my boyfriend, officially?”

I smiled at this news and shook my head yes in response to his question. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me up in a hug. “So will you go to the movies with me today, like on a date?”

“Yes,” I said quietly overwhelmed with excitement.

“Awesome,” he said before leaning down to give me a quick kiss on the lips. “Just let me run in and get my shoes and then we can go,” I said as he let go of my waist so I could go inside. I ran upstairs slipped into my favorite black converse and raced back downstairs and out the door. He was waiting for me by the passenger door, I walked up to the door and he opened it for me and once I sat down he closed the door and raced around the driver's side and then we were off, on the way to my first date with my boyfriend.