All The Queen's Horses {Myrnin, Morganville Vampires}

Never Be Enough

Chapter 23 – Never Be Enough

It took a moment for Myrnin to be able to speak. I knew he hadn't expected the severity of the shift in my emotions. I watched as the stunning strength of my devastation rolled over him. Anger, worry and concern raged through his eyes. He finally found his voice again, and growled low, his tone razor edged, "What did she tell you?!"

How the hell was I supposed to explain?

Should I just toss out there, 'I know we don't have a future because I can't give you what you truly enjoy?' Instead, I stepped away from him and murmured haltingly, hoping it would be obvious enough for him to pick up on, "She explained your...preferences."

Of course it couldn't be that easy.

"Preferences...?" he repeated, a clear question in his voice.

I cringed, desperately wishing that we were not having this conversation. It was bad enough to know it, but having to say it out loud on top of that, was truly excruciating. I took a deep breath and decided to explain it the same way Raven had, "She was...curious about me...because you liked to...play rough. She explained your...adventurous appetite with women...did not usually include humans...given their propensity not to survive the experience." A fresh wave of embarrassment and then loss flowed over me.

I was alarmed when his eyes snapped to the deepest red I had ever seen. His entire body coiled tightly, and he seethed, "I am going to kill her."

I had no doubt he intended to follow through on his promise.

His eyes flickered wildly as he planned the execution.

"No!" I moved forward quickly and grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands to force his attention back on me. "The last thing we need is a war with Gwion, because you decided to execute his girlfriend! She wasn't trying to hurt me. I could see it in her eyes. She was genuinely curious, so she asked the question. That doesn't mean she has to die."

He stared at me in confusion, but I took it as a good sign that his body was no longer rumbling, intent on revenge. I tried to be more direct as I explained, "Look, I get it. I'm not judging you for what you enjoy. But I think we both know that whatever this is – it will never be that."

I turned away from him and strode out the French doors. I needed air. The pain in my chest was too much. I had envisioned a future with him – one, which did not include a predefined expiration date. I stared at the deep blue water and murmured quietly, chastising myself again, "I should have known I would never be enough."

"—never be enough?"

I spun around.

He was standing right behind me. He looked appalled.

He spoke the words slowly, as if trying to make sense out of the impossible, "You think you are not enough for me?!"

Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. I looked away from him.

"Listen to me," he whispered urgently, "Those actions – that behavior – was born out of anger and deeply rooted torment, a result of pathological dysfunction. It was not an expression of my love . It was an expression of my pain."

I hesitated. "I understand... It's okay. I will be fine."

"You don't believe me," he stated flatly, his own pain near the surface.

"I believe that you don't want to hurt me," I allowed.

His features suddenly shifted, determination bright in his eyes.