Sidemen Oneshots

Ministar - One way

A/N I wanted to experiment with a new style of writing, similar to the zerkstar one "Goodbye". I  really enjoyed writing that, so I wanted to try gain. Sorry for all you fluffy fans but this will be angst again.

Dear Diary,

Today has been the usual. Edit, record, eat edit record, edit, record, eat, edit then sleep for god knows how long. I think the fans are catching on to my workaholic lifestyle, but I'll never change it for the world. why you ask? Because if I am constantly busy, then I don't have time to think of him all day so the less it hurts.

Yet when I have to go and sleep, I dream about him all the time. You know who I'm talking about - Simon. I dream about his caring and protective self, shielding me from others who try and hurt me. I dream about him sneaking into my room, so we can have some personal time, with me doing the same. I dream about those blue eyes that are so complex in colour and detail that I get lost just by looking into those works of art. His height is perfect to cuddle up to and for me to snuggle my head in His chest. His smile is so illuminating, it crests this indescribable feeling within me that I get addicted to. His hair is long and soft, even with gel in it, that every time I see him, I hold back the temptation to comb my hands through it, yet I have still done it without him realising. In fact, Simon is oblivious to it all.

I know I do not hide my emotions well with my expressive face, that's how JJ Josh found out. They accept me, support me - and Josh secretly ships us together. I was presently surprised by their reaction. I still remember the tears me and JJ shares, whilst Josh hugs me tightly. Josh doesn't cry that easily, but me and JJ are so expressive with our emotions. Nonetheless, I'm glad that they were so welcoming to someone like me. But Simon doesn't know.

It's clear that Simon doesn't see me the same way. He constantly complains about being lonely, but when we say to hook up with someone, he says that he needs to fall in love with that person. To sum it all up, Simon hasn't fallen for anyone which means he doesn't feel the same way as me. And that's why it hurts. It hurts me to know my dreams and fantasies will only remain as such. But I can't force my ideals onto someone who's not willing. I never force myself onto a person. That's why I will be happy for him if he's happy in whatever relationship he chooses to pursue. And I will pray every night that he finally comes round to see my feelings for him and for him to return those feelings. I'm still hoping for a day I can tell him that I love him.

I'm rambling now sorry. It's just that he means so much to me and it hurts not to be able to say anything. I don't even have the courage to tell the guys these feelings. I'm such a coward. No wonder Simon doesn't see anything in me. I mean who would, apart from YouTube money and fame, which he of course has. I'm being too rash again. I don't even know if he's gay or not. But it still hurts a lot.

I notice that Josh is constantly by my side, I asked him why does he always come for me, and he says it's because he knows that I need someone. He did sing lean in a bit though, which caused a few chuckles to spill out. Josh is always there for me and I'm glad that he cares. At the same time, I don't want to burden anyone with my petty problems. I have either win Simon or forget about him. I don't ever want to lose him as my friend and I have no guts to confess. But I can't lose these feeling. And that's why I'm stuck. But you already know all this, I'm just repeating myself constantly. I don't even keep my obligation to write to you every day and only open you up and scribble my thoughts, when I have too much time ( like now ) or when something eventful happens in my life. I'm sorry I'm not that committed. It's just that this diary is my only source of salvation. My rehabilitation I guess. I'm glad I made the worthy investment of this lockable book aka you. Sure it wasn't worth that much but you're one of my most prized possessions now. I'm glad that I have some way of actually venting my frustrations. It's not healthy to keep my emotions inside bottled up. But there is no way I will openly tell anyone - let alone Simon, that I've hopelessly fallen in love with Simon and this is just a one-sided love.

But that's all for now. I'll look forward to my next entry. I hope you do too. Though I'm writing addressing to an inanimate object as if you have the emotions to respond. Still, I'll look forward to it, whenever that may be.

Vik

A/N- Thank you all for reading this. I'm sorry this is quite short but I really couldn't think of adding any more. I may either do a part 2 of this as well or turn it into a book. Let me know. I actually have plenty of ideas for this storyline. But I might wait till my exams finish or I might only do a part 2 depending on what you guys want. If you have any ideas or requests, please comment it and I will write it in here. Once again thank you so much for the support :)