Smile (Kris Bryant)

Chapter Nine| Chained

Alexandria

As the days come and go the fights get worse and I get weaker. My body won't be able to take much more and my mental state wasn't any better. I was so tired of fighting and if it wasn't for Kris I would have given up way before now. But he keeps me going. Anything to see that smile, to hear that laugh.

I wake up one late May morning on my side of the bed. My cloths from yesterday lay scattered across the room as I let out a hard sigh. A wave of nausea hits as memories of last night flash through my mind. Never have I felt more disgusted than in that moment. I need a long and hot shower, try to burn out this gross feeling I was having. I stand silent in the shower as the boiling hot water burns my skin, it couldn't wash away the pain but man did it feel good.

I climb out the shower and change into cloths to go shopping. My moms birthday was soon and I was hoping to find a gift for her. I might not be allowed to keep constant contact but I can still send a gift as long as that's it. I throw on my longer shorts and a loose fitting a shirt before sliding on some shoes and throwing my purse over my shoulder. I head to the door hoping to get out without any problems but of course that would be too good to be true.

"Where are you going" Spencer asks as my hand rests on the door handle.

"Michigan Avenue. I need to get a gift for my moms birthday" I claim.

"Don't you mean you're going to go run off with pretty boy" he asks.

"First of all, what you're referring to is called doing my job and eating a meal. Second of all, the team is in Arizona playing the Diamondbacks right now, they're not even here" I roll my eyes.

"Do you have to be dressed like such a slut" he asks and my chest tightens. I hate how much this guy gets to me.

"My shorts go past my finger tips and this is one of your shirts. I would barley call that slutty" I argue. He takes his attention off the tv to look at me and nods his head.

"Alright, you can gone. But first come give me a kiss" he says pointing to his lips. I reluctantly let go of the handle and walk over to him. I hold my breath and close my eyes as I place a kiss on his lips. I turn to walk away and he slaps me in the ass hard. I really cannot stand when he does that.

I get to Michigan Avenue and enjoy one of my few days I'm allowed out of the house when it's not for work or food. I look around and pick things up for my mom but stay out a little longer than I usually would, can you blame me? I feel my phone ring from my purse and swallow hard. I relax when I see it was just my older sister and answer it.

"Hey, what's up" I ask looking at sports bras. I could always use more workout clothes.

"Hi stranger. I haven't talked to you in forever" she claims. I cringe a little because I felt so bad for neglecting them. We used to be the tightest family and I practically dropped off the face of the earth. But if they started asking too many questions Spencer thinks I told them something and I'm the one who gets hurt, so I usually just don't talk to anyone.

"I know. I've just been busy with work" I say.

"Uh huh... sure. And how is wedding planning going" she asks. I feel throw up rise in my throat as I think about marrying that poor excuse of a man.

"It's going" I say.

"Well I called because we were throwing a birthday party for mom. I was wondering if you and Spencer wanted to come" she says.

"I'll have to check with him" I say trying to sound normal.

"Well if he can't come you can still come" she claims. That's a lie.

"I'll talk to him" I say again and the line goes silent.

"You know. I haven't heard from you guys in forever. Are you sure you're okay" she asks. No.

"Yeah. I'm fine" I answer.

"I worry about you" she says. Good. She should.

"I'm fine, I swear" I say instead. We talk for a little longer and she tells me about my moms birthday party. I probably won't be allowed to go but those are just details. Eventually she lets me go and I force myself back home.

I walk in to see the place turned upside down. Looks like someone is in a mood. Luckily for me he was out of the house nowhere to be found and I get a little break. I clean up and package up my moms gift. I sign her card from the both of us and put the gift away for later.

I head out to the back porch and stare up to the sky. The same sky I've been under all my life, but now when I look up the stars aren't as bright. The sky is a bit darker and the stars have lost their magic. I'm looking at the same sky as I did as a kid through new eyes, blinder eyes. Eyes that can't find the beauty in the finer things in life. That curious part of me was beaten out of me nearly every day for the past four years and now I'm left broken and so scared.

I'm so tired. I feel like I don't have much fight left in me. I can keep working out but I will never be stronger than Spencer. I work out every day multiple times a day and nothing. He has more than strength than me. He has my mind too. That's the hardest part really. The things he says he'll do to me or Kris if I ever left him for him, it's unthinkable. What he would do to my family if they ever knew what was really happening here, that's just as bad. I can't go to the police because I don't have evidence. The bruises fade and the my word against his word would never work in a court. I'm not strong enough for all of that. All these terrible scenarios of what he would do if I slipped up run through my head and it's keeping me chained down. Whether or not he'll actually do anything he threatens is debatable, but I don't want to find out if he's bluffing or not. The stuff he already does to me is bad enough. I'd rather keep taking the hits than be the reason Kris or someone in my family is unhappy.

But one of these days when he's choking me he won't let go, when he's hitting me he won't stop. And I'm so scared that this is my fate, I don't want that. I don't even want the Spencer from high school back at this point. I want out. I want to hang out with my friends and family. I want to wear my hair in cute hairstyles instead of using it to cover bruises. I want to see this city for all its worth. I want to leave but I'm chained. This ring on my finger is my collar and Spencer has a tight grip on the leash. Sometimes I wish it was just all over, but then I remember it's not all bad. There's people like Kris in this world who wants to fix people like me. Who is willing to be patient and risk something bigger than them for us. It's a great feeling and I can't wait until I one day when I'm in his arms.