Smile (Kris Bryant)

Chapter Twenty Five| Diagnosis (Part 2)

Alexandria

I sit in the hospital bed with a million things going through my head. What all could possibly be wrong and how I missed it. How did I miss it? The dizziness, the nauseousness, the sickness. Everything was telling me to stop running and I didn't. They gave me fluids and brought my temperature down but was running other tests to make sure this was just a one time thing and not something I need to change my lifestyle over.

Kris sat beside me on the bed rubbing circles on the back of the hand he was holding as we watch the news. I was trying to get him to go to the game to get ready but he is adamant that he wants to hear I'm okay before he leaves. We've been here for three hours just chilling in the ER and I wanted to go. I absolutely hated it here. For so many reasons.

Eventually the doctor comes in and I swallow hard. I wasn't ready for bad news yet, I was just doing so good. I was happy and healthy and i hadn't been in a hospital for so long. I can't take bad news. He looks over my paper before sitting besides me. He checks my temperature and feels around my stomach some before turning to me.

"Okay, we have two diagnosis' and neither of them are bad" he says and I let out a sigh.

"Thank god" I smile.

"The first one was dehydration as you know. I can tell you work out... a lot... and it's hard to know what to put in your body and when to, so you'll have to watch it" he claims.

"I work out every day of my life and have never been dehydrated before. Why now" I ask.

"Well mam, it's because you're pregnant. You were supposed to be hydrating yourself and a little one in there too. The light headedness and dehydration you were experiencing were more from being pregnant than the actual workout" he says and my heart stops.

Everything turns black as those words sink into my skin, sinking like a heated blade through butter. My mind goes a mile a minute and I was hoping he would stop talking there. I prayed that he doesn't go through my other files. I know what was coming next and I wasn't ready to bring that up. I will never be. Out of all the bad in my life this is the last thing I wanted to talk about right now. God I hope he says congratulations and leaves but I know it won't be that easy.

"Excuse me... did you just say she's pregnant" Kris whispers.

"Yes. We drew some blood and the only thing that came back positive was that Alexandria here is indeed pregnant" he says. I close my eyes as I try to steady my breathing. It wasn't working though and I felt like I was going to pass out again.

"How... how far along am I" I ask carefully. I'm not sure how I missed that.

"Looks like just a month which is why you haven't noticed. You would be missing your period around this time. But you take good care of your body and it seems that you're both fine, but I still suggest making a doctors appointment with your actual doctor. There's always risk of problems and especially after a miscarriage" he says and Kris drops my hand.

There it is. Like poison in my veins those words find their way back into my life. They hurt to hear now just as bad as the first time I heard I lost my child.

"Miscarriage" Kris asks and the doctor nods.

"Yeah. From what I have here it looks like you had one in..." he trails off.

"I know. Please... please don't say it" I whimper and he nods.

"I'll leave you two to figure things out. Congratulations and good luck. If you need me I'll be in the hallway" he says. I thank him and he closes the door behind him and the room falls still. Kris turns me so my legs hang off the bed and he plants himself right in front of me placing a hand on either side of me as I broke down crying. He wipes a tear away but another replaces that one quickly.

"You had a miscarriage" he finally asks and I nod. I start to hiccup and he pulls me into a hug. He rubs my back until I calm down and let's me go. This was so bad. "Why didn't you say anything" he asks.

"It's so hard for me to talk about. So impossibly hard. No one knows, not Spencer, not my family, no one" I sniffle.

"The baby was Spencer's" he asks.

"Yeah. It was 2012. Things were just starting to get really bad. I lost contact with my family and he started to abuse me more. I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I didn't want to tell him that I was pregnant because he would get mad and I didn't want to lose the baby. He would make me get rid of it or do it himself. We weren't ready for a kid but having a child is a honor. To create life, that's not something you just throw away because you're not ready. I wanted to raise it, to love it and give it everything I can. I wanted to learn to love once again and have a second chance at a good life.

But I never told him so he never knew. Turns out it doesn't take much to lose a baby. I was so stressed and had so many problems from our relationship it caused me to lose my baby. The doctors asked if I had fallen or gotten hit but the abuse came so often I couldn't pinpoint a exact moment it happened. All I know is that I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and started bleeding. I knew I lost it, I wasn't in a good scenario to protect it anyway. It's all it took for me to lose my baby. He didn't know I was pregnant, it was just as much my fault as it was his. I went to the doctors the next day and they told me what I already knew. I lost the baby and I wasn't going to get it back" I sob.

"I... I am so sorry. I had no idea. I can't believe you went through that with no one to help you. Furthermore I can't believe he did that" he says starting getting angry.

"What am I going to do? I don't want to lose the baby again, I want to have it and love it, but I don't want you to be mad at me-" I start but he cuts me off.

"Why do you think I'm mad at you" he asks.

"Because this was kind of reckless and I should have known" I defend.

"Reckless? Alex it takes two to make a baby. And I refuse to let you believe that you being pregnant is anything less that a blessing. I've always wanted a baby with you, maybe not this soon but I'm not mad about it. The opposite actually. And I know you're scared. I am too. But I'm going to do everything to make sure you and this baby are healthy. I'll drive to the store at midnight for snacks. I'll rub your feet when they get tired. I'll do it all. We can do this" he insists.

"I can't lose another baby. My heart can't take it" I cry.

"You won't lose it. I promise" he says and I nod.

"So we're going to do this" I ask and he kisses my forehead.

"We're going to be better than fine. We're going to raise this baby and it's going to be the best baby ever" he claims.

"Do me a favor, don't tell anyone about the miscarriage. I can't deal with that" I beg.

"Of course baby. I won't tell a soul. I know that had to have been hard for you and I don't want you hurting" he claims.

"Thank you" I whisper. He grabs my face before drying some more tears.

"Hey. We're going to do this. And we're going to be some kick ass parents. Got it" he asks and I smile.

"Got it" I nod.