Smile (Kris Bryant)

Chapter Thirty Nine| Rainbow After the Storm

Alexandria

We all return to Chicago from camp ready to get this season under way. We could all feel that this one will be a good one. There was still a lot of work to do and fortunately we had a lot of time to do it in.

After settling back in at home it was finally time to do maternity pictures. I usually hated being photographed but Kris really wanted some pictures and these ones were special. I didn't get to do this the last time I was pregnant and I was honestly so excited. I can remember this time of my life forever and show our son how special he is to us.

My photo shoot was special because it was the first one I had after a miscarriage. The first kid after a miscarriage is called a rainbow baby and our little boy was mine. The shoot was filled with all the beautiful colors of the rainbow, and for a good reason. After a mother has a miscarriage such as I did, it's tradition to have rainbow themed things like the shoot or even the room. It represents the beautiful rainbow that forms after the storm that is the miscarriage. Losing a kid is so so hard. To be so excited to finally have the one thing that makes every woman happy and then have it ripped from you, it's hard. Even if I wasn't ready for a kid I was ready for true love and it sucked I couldn't have it. I know I struggled with my miscarriage and I beat myself up about it for a long time. But now I'm about to be due next month and can finally have the one thing I wanted. A child of my own. So for the shoot I would be wearing a long white dress and be surrounded by colorful flowers in front of a white backdrop. I was able to show off my rainbow and I couldn't wait. The set up was honestly stunning and I was trying so hard not to cry. Kris insisted to put it all up on his own and I couldn't even complain this time. It was perfect.

"This is so beautiful" I whisper as they finish setting up the lights and cameras and such. Kris wasn't holding back and I couldn't wait to see how they turned out.

"It really is, I can't wait" he smiles. I look down at my large stomach and couldn't help but to feel so happy. It was really happening this time. I'm going to have a baby and raise it in the best of situations. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise I lost my first baby. It wouldn't have been happy and I don't know if I could live with not being able to protect my baby. I was in no position to be a good mother and Spencer, who knows what he would have done. He could have changed and been a great father, he could have killed it anyway. We will never know. And while that part of my life weighs heavy on my heart I know that god sent me a second chance and I'm in such a better position than the first time. I had Kris and my family and a good home life to raise him in. I was more than blessed and I couldn't wait to show it.

For the shoot my sister had curled my hair then added some flowers in it and applied simple make up. It looked so cute and I was actually not fretting taking pictures for once. I wasn't worried people would see my scars, because most of them were inside but a picture says a thousand words. No. I was excited to show people how happy I was, how successful I was, and how thankful I was to have another opportunity to start a family.

After a few solo shots Kris joins me in the flowers. We take a bunch together and the whole time I couldn't stop smiling. Even when they weren't taking pictures. They set up for another few pictures but Kris stays in the last position we were put in while they get situated. He rubs his hand over my stomach as he kneels right in front of me. He kisses my stomach and I hear a camera go off.

"I can't wait to hold our baby" he claims.

"I can't wait until I'm not holding it" I tease and he laughs.

"I could only imagine. How are you feeling right now" he wonders.

"Pretty good. He's due next month and that means we're almost there. I haven't had a hard pregnancy so I'm in no rush to have him but I would love to see my feet again. It's becoming pretty real and I'm kind of scared but also really excited" I shrug.

"I cannot wait. To have a little person who is the best parts of you and me, it's going to be amazing" he admits.

"Well when you put it that way..." I trail off. He stands up and pulls me into a deep kiss. At first I was surprised but I eventually relax.

"What was that for" I wonder.

"It was a reminder of how much I love you" he claims.

"Can you remind me again" I smirk and he laughs. I hear the camera go off again and his lip met mine but I didn't mind. There are moments I'll want to remember anyway.

We take a few more pictures before packing up and heading home. Baseball season was right around the corner and there was still so much to do. I planned on working all the way up until I had the baby but staying home for a month or two after he was born. I was still working so I wasn't going to miss much hopefully. Until the baby comes we were making sure that once Ben does get here we were ready. Kris' parents are great and agreed to help whenever we needed it and my parents are always a phone call away. I know they're going to be there most of the time but everything in me wants Kris and I to do this on our own. We were young and in love and getting pregnant right now probably wasn't the most responsible of things to do but that's okay. We could do it. Want to know why I know that? Because Kris is such a great guy that being a dad will come to him as natural as baseball did. He's such a great guy that he could do no wrong. And I'm not failing at being a mother again. Never again. This baby will have every single thing he needs to be successful. And while we are young, we're also two very passionate people excited to share our love with the best thing to ever happen to us.