Smile (Kris Bryant)

Chapter Eighteen| Moving On

Alexandria

I was in Mrs. Jacksons office today for one last session. It was the beginning of July and things were finally settling down. I was with the team for all the games now, both home and away. I loved listening to the guys tell stories about their time on the road or with their families. They made it seem all worth while. And for the first time since I took this job I can see my work pay off. They really do use the techniques and always ask questions if things don't feel right. Everything felt so... amazing. For once in my life I was enjoying the moments I was in and that meant the world to me.

I look around as Dr. Jackson smiles brightly at me. She's helped immensely and I was kind of sad it was all over. It felt great talking about these things and moving on. I know I can talk to Kris anytime about anything but she always seemed to ask the right questions and knew what to say and when to say it. He doesn't know of the whole story like she does but he will one day, when I'm ready of course.

We've covered so much of my life that she uncovered things that not even I realized. I've cried and I've laughed and I've grown as a person while sitting on this couch. No more doubt or fear, I was ready to spread my wings and fly. And while I like these sessions I need to move on from this and my past to a brighter future.

After letting her dig out my admittedly large file she finally turns to me to get started.

"I have to say Alex, you are probably my most improved client. You've certainly turned your mind frame all the way around and I can honestly say that you're doing so much better" she smiles.

"Well that's great to hear" I nod.

"So the last day usually we go over what we learned. I would like to see what your mind frame is and make sure that you're leaving here different than when you came in" she assures me.

"When I first came in here I was very broken. I believed that I was so broken that it would be impossible to fix. Physically and mentally I was in no shape to go anywhere in my life and that's why I had to be here. I knew that if I was going to get better I had to change. What I was doing obviously wasn't working and my life had already taken a huge turn around from the few days after the accident to when I first stepped in here. At that time I just moved in with Kris and Spencer was waiting to be tried by a judge. But now I'm working full time at Wrigley, Kris and I are doing great, and Spencer will be in jail for a long time and while all those changes were pivotal in my life, none of them compare to what I found in here.

I think what I'll take most from these sessions isn't about loving someone new or trusting others, but rather loving and trusting myself. I hated myself for letting it get that far. For letting his thoughts become mine and belittling myself all the time because he said I should. I honestly think his words hurt more than the broken ribs or broken nose. I didn't think I was strong enough to live without him. But I am. I know when I should be home, I trust myself to make hard decisions not because I have to but I'm capable of making them now. And while trust is something I still struggle with, I won't mistrust someone because I'm scared that they will hurt me. There's a lot more good people in this world who would rather help than hurt me. I have a great family who opened up to me even though we've been disconnected for some time. I have co workers who are like brothers to me. The whole Cubs organization has been nothing but respectful and open hearted with my situation and I would be dumb to not see what they've done for me. And while it's a bit overwhelming from my life being based around Spencer to being based around me, I can't help but love it. I trust myself to make the right decision when it comes down to it and that's a great feeling" I sigh. That felt great to say.

"Amazing. That was beautiful to hear. And as far as your relationship with Kris, how is that going" she wonders.

"Great. We never really talk about Spencer and I can tell he's walking on glass when he feels like a conversation is heading in that direction but he's never so much as blinked the wrong way at me. He never pushes me, he knows when I need a moment or if I'm uncomfortable at any time. He's never rushed me or put these expectations on me to be a perfect girlfriend. I'm healing but he's the one healing me. It hasn't been easy. I still cry sometimes and there's always that "what if" in the back of my mind. What if he doesn't actually love me? What if he just says these things so I trust him? What if he gets sick of me? But then he takes one look at me and all of that flies out the window. Because I can see in his eyes how much he loves me. How he always asks if I'm happy or if I need something. When he touches me he shows how much he wants to be near me but never hurt me. Falling in love again was scary. It was quick and unexpected but it was different this time. Because Kris never made me feel small, he made me feel powerful and always wanted to know what's on my mind. He empowers me, not breaks me down. That's how I know he's good for me" I admit.

"Well Alex, it looks like there is nothing more I can do for you. Your mind frame is great for where you are in life. You're only going to go up from here. Keep being this amazing person and if you ever have questions or something changes please call me" she says.

"Of course. Thank you so much, for everything. I appreciate it" I smile. We say our fare wells and I say goodbye to the building. It was hard to say goodbye, it always is. And even though this was a place of pain it was also a place of release and forgiveness. I grew so much here and now it was my turn to show it.

After a short drive I get home and unlock the door. I walk in and let out a long gasp. I didn't think Kris was here because the door was locked but he defiantly was. The whole place had candles and rose pedals lighting the room up. The table was set for two with some good looking pasta dish and two wine glasses. It smelled like flowers and cheese, which was surprisingly good.

I set my things by the door then close it behind me.

"Kris" I call out and I hear someone run into something. I giggle a little as a flustered looking Kris comes out in a nice suit. He looked super fucking hot and I wasn't sure how to handle it. As soon as his eyes meet mine he starts to smile and my heart does that thing where it skips.

"What is this" I ask looking around again. I was just so shocked.

"I wanted you to know I'm super proud of you. I know these past few months had to been rough for you and you're trying so hard. And since today was your last therapy session I thought we could celebrate. But since we both work tonight I thought a nice lunch would suffice" he claims pulling me into the kitchen. He pulls my seat out before sitting across from me.

"How long did it take you to do all of this" I wonder.

"It took me a hour to cook because I kept messing up. You make it look so easy. Finally I called Davids wife and she helped. It took two hours to find fresh rose pedals that weren't being sold illegally and candles that had the least chance of blowing up in my face. So a while" he shrugs.

"Kris... this is all so incredibly sweet" I start.

"I wanted to do this. I know we can't always go on dates or just sit down for a meal and relax. So I wanted to do this to show you how much I appreciate you. I love how much you put into this relationship. I love that you're probably the sweetest thing ever but still the most bad ass girl I've ever met. But most of all I love you. I always have and always will" he claims.

"I'm speechless" I admit.

"You don't have to say anything. I feel it" he smirks and I feel a blush come up. I wonder if he felt that too.