Inevitable Conflict

4/30/2017

Logan came over today!!! When he got to my house we went outside and threw his frisbee for a while, and just talked. I had a really good time with him 😊 I feel like I could spend hours on end with him and still not be bored. He's so awesome. He always thinks of these random things and speaks his mind and it's one of the things I love most about it him. With Zach, it always gets so awkward. We hardly talk, especially when we're in public. The conversations we have are always dry. But with Logan, it's never like that. I love talking to him.

Right before Logan left, he didn't know what teacup pigs were so I showed him pictures on my phone, and I kind of interlocked my arms with his while we looked at my phone, but not in a very awkward way. It just reminded me of how happy it makes me to be close to him. When he left, I gave him a hug and I held him as tight as I could, and it was longer than most hugs. He said it was "100/10" 😊😊😊

I've been studying all day. I'm taking AP Chemistry, and the AP test is tomorrow so I'm really stressed. I was talking to Logan, and he said he felt really sick, but that I was helping him. I told him he should rest, and that I would go so he could feel better. He responded and said something cute. I was sad that I didn't get to text him anymore. But I was happy that I could do something to help him. Whether I'm in his life or not, I want him to be happy. So if that means I stop talking to him, or even stop being friends with him, I will do it. My feelings don't matter. I just want him to be happy

Im so bipolar with my thoughts and feelings. I hate it

In the group chat, Jessica said I should go to prom with Logan, and her with Olivia, and Marina can go with Alli. But I, thinking that Logan thought I was annoying today, said he probably wouldn't want to go with me because I just feel like a bother to everyone I meet. They all reassured me and said really nice things, but Logan didn't directly say I wasn't a bother to him. He didn't reassure me like everyone else did, and I won't feel better until he does, if he ever does 😔

God, I was so happy earlier when Logan came over and then one thing happens and I start to overthink everything and I get sad and depressed and all I want to do is cry 😔 that's all I seem to do when I'm not around anyone. What's wrong with me?

In the group chat, Jessica always says really cute things about Olivia and she send pictures of her and it's really cute the way she openly tells everyone how she feels about Olivia. I wish Logan would say those things about me. One of the most attractive things to me is when a guy isn't afraid to tell everyone how he feels about his girl, and when he will just go on about how he loves her. Secretly, i just really want Logan to do that, and tell the group chat how he feels. That would melt my heart forever and make me so happy ❤

It's so crazy how just talking to Logan can calm me and make me so incredibly happy.

I switched moods like ten times in this entry. I really need to stop