Inevitable Conflict

6/4/2017

I leave for Panamá tomorrow. I have family down there so my family in the US usually goes to visit them a lot.

Im really stressed about the trip though. Im taking English online this year and there is so much work to do, and down in Panama I don't know if I will have wifi, so I won't be able to get online to turn everything in and my teacher isn't very forgiving. But I'll figure it out.

I take lessons with Mrs Parkinson who used to be a music teacher, and she held a recital today in my church. Logan and some other friends were there because they also take lessons with her. I was excited for it until things went downhill

I played a solo without an accompaniment from the piano which made things harder. But when I went up to play my solo I messed up a lot and I didn't think it sounded good. Which hurt my mood a little...

And then we had to memorize a song that we played at the end. I memorized the song but when we started playing, I was so confused because we didn't start at the same time half of the group started, so i could never tell where we were in the song. I embarrassed myself completely which also hurt my mood.

And then Mrs parkinson gave me an award for having the most missed lessons. That was what set me off. First, I am a busy high schooler that had a lot going on throughout the year, and second, I drive myself to lessons and I don't have anyone reminding me of driving me so I have more responsibility than any of the other younger kids who took lessons with her, which was most of them.

To top it all off I wasn't able to talk to Logan at all and it just made me so sad 😔

We planned to go to a park and hang out before I leave for Panama for two weeks, but I wasn't able to because my mom was being stubborn. So I'm going to try and see him tomorrow morning before I leave for the airport. I need to see him before I leave. The last time I saw him was Thursday and it's already felt like forever. How am I going to last two weeks?

Today is one of those days where my love for Logan has just skyrocketed. I am so in love with him it's unbelievable. I just want him. He makes me so happy and everyday I find more and more ways he is perfect. I want him so much.

Olivia got Harry Styles new album and she wrote about it in her journal, and right after I read it, I texted her and we loved his album together, it made me so happy. I'm glad I finally know someone who is into the same music as me. She also really likes 5 seconds of summer and I used to be obsessed with them. I hope we can grow closer through their music. Shes always been a really good friend and I want to get closer with her somehow hopefully soon

Im getting excited to leave for Panama. I hope everything goes well with my online class while I'm there, and I hope I can still have fun and relax with my family