Inevitable Conflict

5/4/2017

I have a lot to say but I'll try to just keep it short

We had an after school practice today for orchestra and the first part was ok. The whole time I was worried that I was making Logan uncomfortable or that I upset him. But then we told each other the things we were thinking about, and it got so much better after that.

Today, I felt something different. I looked into Logans eyes, and I got this amazing feeling that I've never felt before. I couldn't look away. On top of his perfection he looked so incredibly attractive today, and I just couldn't stop looking at him. I could look into his eyes for what seems like forever

So, I got home from practice and my sister and I had to pick up my dads truck from a golfing place in Dublin. He isn't allowed to drive home anymore because he drinks and he almost got in a big car crash last night he was drinking after he went golfing. So on the way home, I completely opened up to my sister and told her everything that was going on with my feelings for Zach and Logan. And she completely understood. She told me she went through the same thing with her ex boyfriend and a guy she really liked named Derek. Lots of tears were shed while we were talking, and the last thing she told me was "God put me in that situation so you didn't have to go through the same thing i did." And that's what got me. She told me to go with Logan. And that's when I completely lost it.

I've been asking everyone what I should do. They all tell me their opinion, but then say "do what you feel is right." But I never knew what was right. And for Hayley to say that, after having gone through exactly what I'm going through, it was God finally answering my prayers and telling me what the right thing to do is

Somehow the subject got brought up at dinner while my whole family was together. And my mom gave me her advice. She told me straight up that I should do it now. I should break up with Zach now, and not wait. And I told her ok. I haven't known what to do for the longest time, and I've been asking God and other people for advice, but no one has been able to tell me what the right thing to do is. But today, I was given all the answers. But, I'm so scared 😭

I've been with Zach for two years. I've shared everything with him. We've talked about our future together and how perfect it was going to be. And if you've ever been in my position, you know how scary this is. To let go of everything you ever knew. To let go of that comfort you always knew and that person you could trust with anything. I'm letting go of my first love. And I'm so scared, but I know everything will be ok. It has to be, right?