Inevitable Conflict

5/6/2017

I did it today. I talked to Zach. It took two hours. We both cried so hard, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I think Zach understood why I was doing what I was doing, and he wasn't mad. He took it so well which helped so much

I went to Panera with my family after I came home, and that really helped me to stabilize my feelings and emotions. I went on a walk with Lauren too... but I kind of felt really sick so I didn't say much

I went to pick Logan up at six, and immediately I felt better. I smiled when I saw him. Just in the car ride back, I smiled more with him than I had in the whole day. It was so nice to finally hang out with him and not have to hold any feelings back

When he got to my house, he met Lucy (my dog) and my mom. My family really likes him and I think he likes them too! We went in the basement to watch Star Wars Rogue One. It was soo good!! In the beginning of the movie, we were probably a little less than a foot away from each other, and all of a sudden Logan said "you know what's bothering me? The amount of space between us." And he completely scoot over until we were touching and I laid my legs on his and laid my head on his shoulder. We laid that way for the rest of the movie, and I loved every minute. And while we were close, Logan held my hand and rubbed his thumb across my skin 😩😩😩 he has no idea how much that just killed me

After the movie, Logan and I played Minecraft and Skyrim. It was really fun! I still laid close to him while we did this, being close to him brings so much happiness and comfort to me, especially today.

The whole time we were together, Logan would randomly say these super adorable things, and he just melted my heart every time 😩 it's like every time he says something cute, I'm left speechless and I don't know what else to say or do other than smile. He makes me so happy ❤️

Logan had to leave a little early, which I was a little sad about. But right before he got all his things together, I gave him the biggest hug I could. It lasted a really long time, and it was the best hug we've had. Logan said something like "It's so hard for me to let you go" and all I could say was "then don't." I never wanted him to let me go. Being held by someone, especially him, is what I needed most today. I wish I could just go back in time and relive that moment again, and cherish it even more. He gives the best hugs too 😩

Im hanging out with Jessica tomorrow. We're going to cuddle and watch movies. I'm so excited to just have a girls day with her and catch up on everything. She's one of my best friends, I love her. She's been going through some tough stuff right now and I hope I can be her escape from everything tomorrow and help her as much as possible

Today turned out to be 100x better than I thought it was going to be