I never informed you of what happened yesterday. Basically, to sum things up, Hayley said some wrong things and did some wrong things and my mom got so mad that she left for a couple days. I think she's coming back soon though, which is good. I want to talk to her.
I've never been so comfortable with my mom until I told her everything that was going on with my feelings for Zach and Logan. Ever since then I've told her everything that comes into my mind, so I really miss her now.
So I'm trying to stay strong and keep on with this break, but it's getting harder and harder. But Logan is making it a lot easier, Im so thankful for him.
Can I just say how adorable Logan is? I went to sit with him before school started and he just looked so incredibly cute 😩 and today in orchestra, we were kind of far away and I was playfully upset that he was far away but then he scoot closer to me and he's just, ugh. Perfect. So I leaned on him a little as I was trying to unlock his phone and I touched his arm, and soon our hands were fiddling with each other and it was the cutest thing ever 😩😩😩 i feel like everyday I get closer and closer with him, and it's the best feeling in the world.
So Logan told me today that he told his friend in band that he liked me, and she twisted his words and pretty much told the whole school we were dating. It was so weird to be the "hot topic" in a lot of classes, but it reminded me of a bad memory I have from 6th grade when rumors were spread around about me and everyone called me a whore...
Ok. Back story first, I've had this huge insecurity and idea in my head that I have to be the most attractive girl my significant other has ever seen. So I do everything I can to my physical appearance to make that happen. But when I got home, I was talking to Logan and he helped me realize that I didn't have to do that. If someone who I wanted to be the most attractive for truly loved me, they would already think I'm the most attractive. Jessica and I talked about it yesterday. When you love someone, you automatically think they are so attractive. So, if I love someone, and they love me, I don't have to try so hard to be attractive for them because the amount of love we have for each other will take care of that anyways. It was so relieving and amazing to finally have that burden off of my shoulders. When I told him this he had a big smile and said he was so proud of me! He sent me a picture...
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Look how cute!!! ❤️😍❤️
Logan is so amazing. But I worry I will hurt him one day. I seem to do that a lot... I don't want to do that to him. I care about him more than he could ever know. And I love him. I don't want to hurt him 😔 and it's my biggest fear that I will one day. But Logan reassured me today that there's no way he would ever leave me for messing up and possibly hurting him. Which was so nice to hear from him.
I'm going to meet up with Logan again in the morning! I'm excited to be able to talk to him and be with him, even if it is for a short time.
