Inevitable Conflict

6/25/2017

Hey

It's been about two weeks since I last wrote a journal, and I really apologize. So much has happened.

I can't remember if I have already said this, but I have extreme anxiety. And these past two weeks, I don't know if there was a time I wasn't freaking out.

Long story short, I messed up a few relationships, and finally I think everything is ok again. Except, I'm still not ok.

I talked to Jessica and she told me that I need to ask my parents for help, and to go to a counselor. I've been wanting to go to a counselor for so long now, and I've told my parents that multiple times before, but they don't do anything for me. But Jessica told me to tell them something else, which was how I've felt lately. I'm scared, but I'm going to talk to my parents because I want to get better. I'm treating everyone I love so poorly and because of it, I start to have more and more suicidal thoughts. Thursday night, I walked outside hardly able to breath and I thought to myself that if I had some kind of drug or anything, I could have done it that night. I scared Logan and I felt horrible :( but I couldn't help it, that's how I felt. And I'm afraid. I don't want to feel that way, so I'm going to fix things.

It was so nice to finally be able to just talk with Jessica again. I missed her so much 

So I came back from Panamá a week ago, and honestly, it was the worst vacation I've ever been on. I have family in Panamá, and I never had a good time with any of them. The country is extremely beautiful, and I still had fun! But being with relatives and around the Spanish speaking so much, it made the experience less great.

I babysit for my dad'a friend. They have triplets, and they are so much work and energy. But they are also very fun. I love babysitting them. I plan on going to the zoo with them tomorrow, Im excited to take them!

Oh! And tennis has officially started again. (It never really stops it just has official starting and ending times) last year I had constant competition with a girl named Olivia. You will probably hear more about her later in this journal. My school tennis team doesn't start to play matches until August 1st, but I am in a tennis league that plays every Friday. My team played Scarborough, which is a tennis facility up north. Olivia was on their team, and Hayley and I got to play her... guess what! Fricken dominated. I had fun playing with Hayley and it was a good start to winning my spot on the Varsity team for singles again this year.

So, that's a summary of what has been going on recently. If I forgot anything I'll probably write about it later