Memoirs of an Outstanding* Teen

Chapter 17: I Can't Listen

The two weeks of August break passed by quickly. Perhaps because all my time was spent trying to distract myself with school work and counting minutes. Even with all the hunger, somehow, I managed to reclaim my spot on the Top Ten list. This, and the dropping numbers on the scale made me feel like I was being a good girl again.

When school opened, Riana was first to remark, "Nelu, you lost so much weight." With the little energy I had remaining, after trying so hard to look normal despite my rumbling stomach or my foggy head, I responded with a chuckle.

A couple of days later, my Afrikaans teacher decided to give a surprise test. If I remember correctly, her class must have been second or third on the timetable, but it was long before I could have my 200 break-time calories. The test was going to be a listening comprehension. We were given sheets with a few, very straight forward questions. We would listen to the passages she read and answer the questions. We could answer as she read, we didn't have to wait until the end. She began the first passage, and I clicked my pen into position, ready to start answering. I heard the part that contained the first answer. I remember I understood all the words she used. I went down to answer the question. And it was as if the part of my brain that contained the words she had just spoken got magically wiped out suddenly. For the life of me, I couldn't remember what she had said just 30 seconds ago.

On most of the remaining questions, the instant forgetfulness continued. There was a fog in my brain that I just couldn't get past.

At some point, it did occur to me to start eating more, but, "You would undo all the hard work you've already put in. You have to hold on and soon you'll be able to eat as much as you want." So instead, I got habits to help me keep up at school. Still, in my shaky handwriting, I started noting frantically everything the teachers were saying as they were saying them so I wouldn't forget. At home, I drank cup after cup of sugar-free tea that could ease the hunger pangs momentarily so I could go on with homework. And whenever someone asked me why I was taking so little for dinner, I would brush them off and say, "I'm just not that hungry right now," even though I could hardly conceal the trembling hands when lifting the fork.