I felt more at home in the Olympiad Math Competition, but even this wasn't without mixed feelings and disappointments. It was an annual competition for grade 8-11 throughout the capital (and a handful of other small town schools), on generic math questions. The questions would mostly be like, "If Julius Cesar was born in 407 BC and the French Revolution took place in in the 1800s, calculate the diameter of the Moon." I had taken part in it in Grade 9 and 10.
To be honest, when it came to grade 11, I was a little salty and unmotivated to join the math heads. That's because in grade 9, even though I spent weeks studying and working through some Australian math competition papers I had found online, I didn't get that first-place. I was second. Richard, my main competitor, and from my own school, was first.
In Grade 10, Richard had other commitments so he couldn't take part in the competition. I thought this was it. This was finally my chance to get that top spot. I walked into the competition with all confidence (dare I say, careless cockiness?), wrote the paper, and I was sure I had aced it. Prizegiving ceremony came, and I had already played the tape in my mind, "The first price goes to Nel..." And sitting there, waiting for them to finally get to the Grade 10 prices, trying to work up some fake nervousness, because you know, gotta make sure you look surprised and grateful enough. The MC got to our prices.
"Third price goes to..." some random kid from a different school. All right. To be expected. The girl walked up to the stage, got her certificate, and posed. "The second price goes to Nelusigwe Mbingu!" What?! You sure? Again, I had that two-second delay in standing up, but this time it was with very different feelings.
When the first price was announced, my disappointment got shame added to it. The guy that was first was Nathan Corden from my school. He was third on our Top Ten list. "How could I lose it to him?" My pride had a stake driven through it. I don't think I even bothered to congratulate him. That's how sore of a loser I was.
So, when it came to Grade 11, I was not motivated to participate. Or should I just be honest and say, I was intimidated? Both Nathan and Richard would be there, and both had proven to be worthy competitors. But just as I was about to tell the teacher I wasn't interested this time, one of my classmates, let's call her Kannie, came up to me and said, "Nelu, do you want to pair up with me for the Olympiad?" Mhh... Now, this was an interesting proposition.
I knew that the paired kids would be judged separately. There would be the prices for the individuals, Richard and Nathan them, then there would be the paired prices, in a separate lane. I would basically be competing against kids from other schools, not necessarily my toughest competition. And it would be a win, whatever happened. If it just so happened that I didn't do well in the competition, everybody would just think it was Kannie's fault, because I had done decently before. And if we did win, well... So, I agreed.
She did announce our names last at the price giving. We did get first place in the paired participants. But I had that feeling you get when you cheat your way to a win, and then it doesn't feel like a win anymore when it happens. Have you ever had that?
As if I didn't already feel icky enough, the MC, as she was announcing our price said, "Nelu got second place last year, so she decided to pair up with someone to get the first place this year. Very smart strategy!" I felt like I needed a shower as soon as she said that. I don't do too well when trying to hide my feelings. They could probably all see the shame and guilt on my face. I couldn't even smile properly for the picture.
That day, I realized, a loss is better than a dishonest win.
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Memoirs of an Outstanding* Teen
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