Memoirs of an Outstanding* Teen

Chapter 40: Worst of All

Am I getting monotonous yet? I feel like I've spoken about competitions too many times in a row. Okay, one more, then we move on. I think you'll find this one interesting though.

So, the other annual competition at my school was the speech competition. Do I need to mention that I didn't quite excel in this one? No, I think you probably got the hint by now. I wasn't quite known for my charisma in high school. Giving a speech in front of 3 blank-faced judges and the entire school? Let's just say, for the safety of my teachers and my schoolmates, I didn't quite feel like spontaneously combusting on a stage, something which my level of stage fright could likely cause. So, I was never quite excited for this one. But you know how teachers go, "Nelu, don't worry, you'll do fine. You're smart. Here, just pick a topic and write a speech." And year after year, I would have to just hope and pray that the school had enough fire extinguishers.

Yes, I sucked at them, and my schoolmates probably started dozing off as soon as they saw me walk up the stage with my cue cards.

But in Grade 11, I thought I had reason to have a little bit of hope. I chose a topic about education and Vision 2030 (Namibia's famous development vision for 2030). My plan was to rile up the entire school, in the style of Martin Luther King, to study hard, to dream big, and get Namibia to 2030 in style. I remember a part of my speech went something like,

"I see Richard, designing the eighth world wonder right here in Namibia!

I see Adam joining Peter to make the very first Namibian spaceship!

I see world class scientist, engineers, doctors, and professors, here in our very own Namibia!

I see Vision 2030!"

I practiced the speech 1200 times in front of the mirror at home. When performance time came, I knew it better than I knew my own name. I walked up to that stage, not nervous, but excited for to finally perform it.

And up on that stage, you could have mistaken me for MLK himself. My self-consciousness and my shyness vanished. All that was left was charisma. I got to the MLK part of my speech, and I could already hear some people going "Yeah!" and clapping in agreement. When I finally got to the end, the applause was thunderous. I won't lie, I walked off that stage feeling like a bawse!

The award ceremony was going to be at the next assembly meeting. For the next few days, I walked around the school feeling confident that after three years of bombing this competition, grade 11 was going to be the year that I finally crush it. Everyone that had done themselves the favor of attending the competition was congratulating me left and right. "We loved your speech, Nelu!" And I would say, "Thank you!" with as much pretend shyness as I could, even though in my heart I said, "Yeah, that's right! I killed it!"

Monday came. Assembly time. Price-giving! I was almost dancing as I walked to the hall. Normal opening scriptures and announcements were read. Then the principal called up my English teacher to do the honor of handing over the speech competition awards. I sat up straighter, and would have rubbed my hands in excitement had I been alone.

"The third price goes to Sandra Katya." The school clapped for her, as much as sleepy high schoolers could do on a Monday morning.

"Second prize goes to Maggie Shapi!"

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I'm going to get first price! I moved up to the edge of my seat, ready to stand and walk up to that stage like a winner.

"First price goes to Ankita Louis."

What?

I didn't win? Wait, what? Did I hear that right? Hold on. Wait a minute. What? Oh, there's Ankita walking up... I really didn't win? What?

It turned out that "Discuss the impact of education on Vision 2030" is not quite what I did in my speech. So yes, MLK was resurrected for nothing. All that practice, all the charisma, all in vain. Yes, I didn't win. And yes, I had to go back out there and face all the people that I had looked at and with my eyes said, "You and I both know I'll win this one." The shame! If there was ever a moment that Mother Earth thought of swallowing me whole, that would have been a perfect time.

Well, that day I learned to lose when you were sure you would win, is the worst loss of all.